Finals are upon us...



Have finished a lot, and stress should be over by Thursday noon at which point I can begin to leisurely go through my History of the West and 20th Century Short Story notes.



Went to Christina's graduation this past Sunday, and then to dinner at Umi's sushi bar afterwards with her and her friends and family. I've never eaten so much raw fish before in my life... Christina ordered banana tempura from desert, and I tried some (actually hogged a lot of it) and dude, it was awesome, a truly transcendental experience.



Have been to the gym everyday for the last ...2 days.



One last thing--Has anyone noticed the underlying evil that is AOL instant messenger? Everytime I'm at the library studying, everyone around me has their buddy lists up on their comp. screens, despite the fact that it's finals week and most of them are also tearing their hair out over unfinished papers, and organic tests. Man. AIM, the main diluter of the productivity pool. It would not exist in Action center... (an allusion that no one will get b/c no one reads Michael Marshall Smith).



yeah, that was a really nerdy thing to say, but i stand by it.

I just kissed my boyfriend, and the lingering taste of spray paint and Dr. Pepper makes me miss him already...ha.



So I finally got my life in order--the ID card is up and running again, my physics test is over and done with, and now I just have two papers and a test before I start studying for finals, which actually should be a relief after this week.



My roomate graduates in December, I hope I don't get another one, but I probably will. Urgh. Well, it will probably be better than I imagine, I just don't feel like getting used to someone else.



I finally got to the step machines--Jenn1 was right! They are awesome. Like, freaky alien pods that exercise your limbs for you. I'm sure it says something disturbing about my life that while people are "starving in Somalia" I need to get on a machine that basically moves my limbs for me (because I am too lazy to get my ass up and around a track) in order to burn off the fat that builds up from eating pretty much whatever I feel like at any given time of the day.

But hey, who cares, I am a true child of urban civilization, and therefore I know how to appreciate being able to work up a healthy sweat while reading the captions on The Simpsons and That 70's Show and listening to Sarah McLachlin at the same time.

Just curious--Jenn1? I know you can kick my ass in the wonderful world of step-machining, but how long do you usually go for? People are so hardcore, I was concentrating on the fact that I was working up the first real sweat of my life, and the girl next to me was reading for a class...can we say multi-tasker of meredith steele proportions?

It's days like these that make me want to curl up into a little, unobstrusive ball and die in the corner...



I was getting ready to go to the gym with Christina (she was going to teach me how to use the step machines, and I was excited b/c of Jenn1's mention of them in her livejournal) and when I get to the door of the gym, right as I'm about to say happily "It would be just like me to forget my ID card, but I didn't," I reach into my pocket and find no ID card.



It's gotta be lack of sleep.



And to make it worse, 5 minutes after I cancelled it online, someone calls me up to return it.

So now I still have to trek all the way across campus and then some in order to get it reinstated. Also, the office is closed now. So I'll have to do it tomorrow morning before my freaking Physics class.



Life is truly the most hilarious thing anyone ever could have thought up.

My brain is about to explode.



I have a Physics test on Tuesday so this entire weekend has sucked nasty crusty fat ass. Douchebag ass. ha.



Well, going home on Tuesday sometime, and then coming back up Friday for the A&M game (the first and probably last football game I will be going to...) and also to write a paper. I look forward to the campus being empty, b/c it makes me feel like I'm doing something I shouldn't...



Was going to ride my bike, but now I don't know where I would go, and it's sorta late...damn. Well at least I will not go backwards a step and eat anything. by the grace of God, give me willpower...



Cut my newly-bought Wal-mart too-big yoga pants into Mia's pants in Pulp Fiction. I think they're cool even if my roomate thinks I'm a fob. lol. ok.



Facebook is disturbing me--it keeps telling me I only have 3 friends. There must be more than that, right? Right???

I might be getting rid of that self-esteem downer soon.

I had one of my late-night mental breakdowns Thursday night after going to a New Yorker "fiction live" thing at La Zona Rosa. Now, this isn't as bad as it sounds, it just means I all of a sudden didn't feel any urge to sleep, and was stuck in a flurry of movement and hyperness...

After dropping Elissa off at her apartment (and picking up my birthday present, a "Red Vein" Fittonia argyroneura plant), I drove through Taco C's to get some chips and queso, which may have been my first step down the road of dissipation. Then, when I got home, I turned on the TV and saw that Bridget Jones Diary was playing, and so I watched it, and of course got all into it, and re-discovered the appeal of Mark Darcy. After that, I cleaned my room, and then made my large Rancid T-shirt that I never wear on account of it being huge, into a hardcore-looking muscle shirt. I proudly showed it off the next day, even though I was in such a stupor from staying up until 2:30 AM that I could barely walk straight.

Needless to say, got through Friday's classes though I can't say I did it with any amount of grace. Then, planned on going to see Bridget Jones 2, but instead ended up taking a nap, and then getting caught up doing nothing but lounging until it was too late to go to the movie and still make it to help Jimmy and his group paint the set...So me and Aaron just went to go eat at Chipotle and then heading over to the Communications building to paint. But when we got there, no one was in the studio they were supposed to be building the set in, and in the end, we find out they're running late and wouldn't be at the set till late. This is really convoluted, but stick with me--then we walked over to the Hole in the Wall where one of the guys was bartending, to find out whether we could get started painting and this (here's one of the points I was getting to) was the first bar I had attempted to get into after turning 21...and get this---they didn't even card me! What a freaking waste of birthdays, hell, I could've been a three-yr-old tottering in and they still wouldn't have done anything about it.

In any case, they decided they trusted us to start painting without them, so we went back to the studio and started painting. It was really awesome, just painting some walls matte white with rollers late at night. The building was pretty much empty, and the studio was really cool, full of huge planks of wood and plenty of hiding places. Which I definitely made use of...at one point, I was quite proud of how nice painting for about 2 hours had made my muscles (haha what a joke...), and so I said to Aaron, who was trying to get to the metal spiral staircase that led up to the metal walkways above the studio, "Come look at my muscles." But he was engrossed in his explorations, and ignored me, so I got back at him by hurrying to a hiding place. He totally couldn't find me--I could see him through a little gap in my hiding place, and I saw him walk by a few times (once pretty close, but apparently he decided I couldn't have fit in my hidey hole, and then into the hall to look for me in the bathroom, and then he came back in, mumbled..."Jennifer?..." in a perplexed voice, and then sat down to wait for me to reappear. He was totally stumped! But by this time, my stomach was cramping up with anxiety--don't ask me why, but that's one of the reasons I was never great at hide-and-seek as a kid, and so I cleared my throat really loudly like, "ahm.m.m.m" and there was a pause. And then Aaron was like, "I heard that..." and so then I was like, "Well, come find me..."

So yeah it was fun staying up late and painting that night.

Then Saturday I worked on a paper for my 20th Century Short Story class all day, and then at night, I went to go see Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, b/c I was so primed by seeing Bridget Jones 1 on Thursday night. It was pretty much a disappointment, too much adherance to a badly written book-sequel (near the end it actually becomes a bad adaptation of Brokedown Palace) , and too many allusions to funny parts of the first Bridget Jones. Not enough Colin, not enough clever-Bridget, only insecure Bridget. There are some good parts though--Mark Darcy and Daniel's fight, almost any part with Mark Darcy in it, which sadly didn't make up for the bad rest of the movie and plot...

In any case, if you haven't noticed, I heart Mark Darcy lots and lots! That standoffish-ness, that stoicism...and then that smile once you get past it : )

I feel like I'm in the middle of a late-middle school/early high school infatuation again...the itchy teeth, the hyper lack of appetite...oh Colin.

LOL ok enough of that. Let's just say I feel that and more for my real

sweetheart Aaron ;-*

And then Sunday I finished my paper, worked a little on Physics, and then late at night around 1, I went back with Aaron to the studios to be an extra, as a psychotic doctor in a science fiction short film of Jimmy's. But we ended up being up there till like 5 a.m., (good thing my first class was cancelled the next day)...but I am still recovering from it.

Hey what the hell, it's college, right?

Ok, so that was a long blog.

Over and out.

"Anonymous said...

You shouldn't be so upbeat about life -- it really wasn't that good back then anyway. Remeber that time you pee'd your pants? That was funny! Your mom and I still talk about it.-Your Dad"



I gotta say, this was a great comment...good use of available material, and very funny. I like the incorporation of both parents, and the characterization of their relationship and interactions, rather than merely the trite "your mom," or the attempting-to-be less trite "your dad."



I don't know about these 'yo mama' wars--I wasn't a part of them before (in the blogging world at least, I am the possessor of quite a few very cutting yo mama jokes in person...as Elissa may attest to), but I am preparing to jump into the fray...



Once more into the breech!

Having just read Jenn1's webjournal post, I sit down again to retry writing the post I gave up on this afternoon...

I got out of class today at noon, apparently just in time to catch the horde of elementary school kids visiting UT eating lunch on the South Mall lawn, and it made me think about how awesome it used to be to go on a field trip, esp. the lunch. Inevitably, it would be in some park, or grassy knoll, and you could just camp out with your best friends in a spot, and spread out your lunch that your mom had made you, which has been a pleasant thought in the back of your mind ever since the morning. And then when you were done, you could run around the park with no worries until the teacher called you back onto the bus, which was also fun b/c you got to sit next to a friend...

I mean, does it ever get better than that? And I stopped getting field trips in, what was it, 8th grade?? And the thing is, what will we ever get in return for losing all the fun things like that that we lose when we grow up--what is there to look forward to...sex and drinking???

I guess I just have to agree with Jenn1--maybe the sex and the drinking do it for some of you people out there, maybe you think it makes up for it--but I don't agree, and probably never will.

"Galahad the pure, I assume? Well, not for long..." --said the flasher robinhood on 6th street to the Crusader.

Yeah, so I got a free Chipotle burrito yesterday--I went on Hallowen night before going to 6th street to see the costumes, and saw that for Election day, if you brought in a receipt from Halloween, you get a free burrito. So I saved my receipt. But last night, I forgot and ate dinner before Aaron reminded me about the free burrito...so, needless to say, I went anyway--hey, that's 6 bucks free...

And I planned, I really did plan, on eating it for lunch and dinner today. But after I got the burrito to go, I had to put it in my backpack and go to the library to read about the devil. or physics...whichever you prefer. In any case, I had to carry this warm, inviting burrito around in my backpack at the library, and with every step, I could hear the paper bag crinkling teasingly. By the time I was 3/4 of the way done on the chapter about the devil's nutritional needs...or Oscillations and Simple Harmonic movement, whatever you prefer, it's really all the same anyway...I was starving.

So at about 11:00 p.m. I gave in to temptation and ate about 4/5ths of that burrito. I tell you, feeding me has been like shoveling gravel into the Grand Canyon these days...



It's finally winter!!!~Out comes the Sarah McLachlin. She is totally winter music. It's cool, everything seems more interesting when it's cold. Hell I even feel more interesting, like I am mysterious and not just what you see. (Come to think of it, that's what I always felt like in high school which is what kept me from caring what other people thought about me...I really need to recapture that feeling...)--Is that conceit? or survival?



Tonight when I went downstairs to eat at the Jester cafeteria, there was some guy with a guitar singing, I guess it was Open Mike Night or something...but he was so into it, so earnestly strumming and passionately singing, that I pitied, ridiculed and yet admired him at the same time. It's just too ridiculous hearing his tortured music about how lost he feels, when I'm putting some cheese on my salad and picking up some milk. And yet, I have to admire the amount of idealism and passion it must take for him to want to pour out his innermost feelings to the masticating masses...

Dear Chipotle:

You really must stop putting crack in your burritos.

Sincerely,

Jennifer T.

The irony of what just happened to me is so thick I'm still scraping it off...

So I'm at the library, trying to study for my Physics test tomorrow. And I'm at the computers where I usually study/write papers. Except the computer that I always use...which I secretly consider my "lucky studying computer," is taken by some dude. So I log in at some other computer, and then after a while, the guy leaves, so I'm thinking to myself, "How do I get up and go to that computer without looking neurotic?" (Notice how neurotic people try so hard to not seem neurotic??) So I finally come up with the perfect idea: get up and go to the bathroom and then come back, and sit at the lucky computer.

So I do that, and the plan is working, until I try to log into the computer, and it freezes up. Ok, yeah, that's a little ironic, but I just brush it off and restart the computer, and try again. It still doesn't work. It says the login/password is wrong. I try it like, 6 more times. And by the end of it, I am doubting my sanity.

So anyways, I had to leave the computer and go wait for a computer that didn't need a login to become unused, and check what the hell was going on, and I couldn't even log onto the UTEXAS website, so finally I figured it was a system thing. Anyways, so after like, 15 minutes, I come back and...the lucky computer is taken...

Ok actually, it wasn't, and I am sitting at it right now writing this blog, but I just felt like I had to live up to the first sentence. I guess the irony was only of medium viscosity.



On life in general, I've been in a state of ennui for quite a while now, and I'm hoping going home this weekend and going to the Renaissance Festival with my family will jolt me out of it.

P.S. I wouldn't know what ennui meant either except that my short story teacher just defined it in class... : )

P.P.S I think I'm getting a mini Ipod for my b-day!

Dude...I hate to start after a long dry spell with a rant--there was a great weekend in there somewhere that I (literally) could not find words to describe, but well, here I am, and...here you are, so...

Physics could be a comedy routine in it of itself. The great majority of the physics majors and teachers I have met are, to say the least, dry as a prostitute after a full night's work (hey, i tried to think of a better analogy, sorry). My physics TA is probably in his thirties, and yet he still looks like the nerds in those old movies about high school--insanely tight lavendar jeans (which I have seen him wear on more than one occasion) and an array of gingham/plaid short sleeved button up t-shirts. When mixed with the flourescent lighting and outdated furniture of the entire RLM building, it really has a disconcerting effect...

But in any case, here's what I really came to bitch about--this "lab partner" I have in Physics lab. Dude, if anyone could be more anal...every single little thing that might or might not have any effect on the experiment, he spends at least five minutes thinking about and fixing. I'm a big fan of the, do the least that is necessary to get by strategy, and right now I have an A in that class. And the things he's so busy fixing, even the TA doesn't care about. How do I know this? Because I've caught the TA looking at our table with a scornful look on his face. This guy just won't let go of anything!!! I pity his future children and wife, I pity his roomate, I pity his friends, and most of all, I pity me, his lab partner. We are always the last to leave!!! It's giving me a headache just talking about it.

So...I've been looking at Jude Law pictures online, and I am starting to wonder whether he was a big commodity for the gay male population before he got well-known b/c of Cold Mountain. There are these shady pictures that sorta freak me out, like of him touching his mouth sexily, or sprawled on a bed in little boy's underwear with his legs wide open...I mean, these positions seem more what guys want, say, JLo to be in rather than what girls want to see Jude Law doing. I'm just saying--I got a little uncomfortable looking at them...



http://www.hebus.com/cat/celebrites_h/jude_law/jude_law_004.jpg

I braved torrential downpours today to get to my lab class, to only get a rude, socially inept TA, and...to leave an hour and a half early. Actually I think I came out with the better end of the deal, because all my TA got was soaking wet, bored me, and he was still there when I left. hahaha.

It's getting crazy windy outside, there was just a fire drill and I looked out the window and thought it was a tornado alarm. Some of that confusion might be attributed to the fact I had less than 4 hours of sleep last night.



"I have drawn blood from the neckline when vampires were in fashion

You know I'd even learn to cut my throat if I thought I could fit in

Cause I once heard that you gotta learn how to blend in to this mess

Where nothing's hard, nothing's precious and nothing's smooth or flawless



Now I'm 10 miles in the deep and mighty blue sea

Looking back, towards a long white beach burnin' up into yellow flames

And I just wave back like a little boy up on a pony in a show

'cause I can't fix something this complex any more than I can build a rose



I'd rather bleed out a long stream from being lonely and feel blessed

than drown, laying face down in a puddle of respect"

-Jakob Dylan

To think--it was 3 or 4 years ago that Justin Iglehart mentioned something about Alicia Keys' hotness, and I blew it off, saying, "Man, I am totally hotter than Alicia Keys," not even knowing who the heck that was...I just saw the "If I ain't got you" video two nights ago and am now totally obsessed with that song, and I have to say, Justin was right, she is pretty hot.

This is going to have to be one of those catch up blogs.



CDs in my CD player lately:

1. Scarlett's Walk-Tori Amos

2. What if it All Means Something-Chantal Kreviazuk

3. Sultans of Swing: the very best of Dire Straits

4. Buddy Holly, self-titled

5. The Young and the Hopeless, Good Charlotte



Got back to Austin on the 22nd of August, interesting things:

23rd-Went to Elissa's apt. to hang out with her and Lawrence and have dinner

24th-Barton Creek with Aaron and Jimmy with an underwater camera and goggles.

25th-first school day : (

27th-carnival and playing frisbee at Elissa's with her bf Aaron, and Lawrence. My Aaron showed up for the fireworks and free food only.

28th-Schlitterbahn!!! We only got the midday passes, though, which means we got there at 2:00 pm and it started raining like crazy at 5:30 pm, so what is that, about... $ 6.50 an hour? And we didn't find Boogiebahn until 5:00 so we didn't a chance to boogie board...lol the names at those places. When it started raining, it got really cold and we were all in bathing suits so it was a miracle we didn't all catch pneumonia. After we finally caught the bus back to where the car was, we sat on towels all the way back to Houston with the heater blasting (in the middle of summer, that's got to be a first) and then we went to Chili's to eat and had to take turns changing in the car. It was insane how much we ate...

And that's about it, except a few days in that time, I fit in 5 hours of working at downstairs Jester for the poster people for $50 dollars credit for posters, I got a Phish poster mostly for the picture, because it's a painting that looks really good even if I don't really listen to Phish, and also an enlarged photograph of "The Poet's Walk, NY" in which it is raining and it has trees in it, so that's what's up on my walls. Also a Swingers poster for Aaron and a White Stripes poster for Jimmy. It was sorta cool, working, even though it definitely taught me that there are more stupid and rude people in the world than I previously would've expected, but it was something new.

Also--somewhere within that time, I took one of those montage pictures with Aaron in one of those photo booths, and the pictures look like something from a movie, I guess it's just that those pictures have shown up in so many movies characterized as something awesome people do, so that was a thrill for me...ha ha : )



Alright, the end finally, my parents are coming up today to drop off my sister to hang out for the wknd, and it's time for my shower.

Alright there are three things that I've promised would reach the pages of my blog this past week.

But only one will, because I've forgotten one and another just doesn't seem interesting to me anymore.

I have finally met someone who has one-upped a guy for one-night-standedness. After making out all night at a bar, this is the conversation that ensued:

--So, do you want to come up to my apt? (says the guy)

--No, I don't think so, not at all.

--Well, can I get your number?

--Nope.

--Um...do you want mine?

--Nah, I wouldn't call it.

--confused pause--

--This is so wierd. (finishes the guy)

Classic right?



So yesterday I saw Sean Hattenbach at some Poster Presentation thing for work. It was sorta surreal.

Is anyone still reading my blog?

Only 20 more days till I go back to Austin!! Things I am looking forward to doing:

1. Setting up my room (buying posters, a new rug maybe and a new lamp)

2. Riding down to Taco C's with Aaron for dinner

3. Surfing my insanely fast internet

4. Hanging with Elissa at her new apt.

5. Knowing that I live in the best city in the whole world!!



Alright, I guess some major updates are in order--I just got back from two weeks in Taiwan...

I will pretend I am some famous rock star answering a survey for Seventeen magazine or something.

CDs in my CD player

1. Postal Service "Give Up"

2. Maroon 5 "Songs About Jane"

3. Shakira "Donde Estas Los Ladrones"

and Blink 182 should be in my cd player, except i haven't been able to find it. I must establish a full-out search before going back to Austin.

Notice all these CDs are recycled, none new except Postal Service. I'm still trying to get back into the American groove. : )



5 most recent purchases:

1. a pair of jeans

2. a pair of knee length pants (this sounds not so cool but the Jennifer pulls it off well...hopefully.)

3. a pair of new converses for the school year

4. um...nevermind it will have to be the 3 most recent purchases.



Movies seen:

1. I, Robot

2. The Village (which was awesome, don't let anyone tell you how it ends, and go see it immediately before someone does anyway!)





to aaron:

"I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles

In our eyes are mirror images and when

We kiss they're perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate that God himself

Did make us into corresponding shapes like

Puzzle pieces from the clay

True, it may seem like a stretch, but

It's thoughts like this that catch my troubled

Head when you're away when I am missing you to death"

-The Postal Service

It is too dang early to be at work. 8:15 A.M. Just cause my dad's a hopeless overacheiver shouldn't mean that I have to be too, so I am taking my stand, preserving my right to waste my time by blogging at work.



Latest disappointment: The Jeep Unlimited does not come in a manual transmission. And though it is quite tempting to depart from my original plan of *definitely* getting a standard for my next car, my campaign for the Jeep Unlimited has come to an end for the time being, at least until they come out with a standard model.

BTW, why the heck would they not make a manual transmission on an off-roading car like that? Every other miniscule bit of it is perfect except for that fact.



Haven't done much in the past few days--have been reading The Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. It's pretty interesting, about these two guys in the 1940s at the start of the "comic book revolution" starting a comic book. It's eclectic, and brings into play something about the Jewish "golems" which I've never heard of so it's sort of like jumping into some world where I can only take the author's word for it, and try to understand and imagine the best I can. Anyways, the book is definitely different. Where else could Houdini, WWII and the Holocaust, Superman comic books and the circus all come together?



Went out for lunch with Missy yesterday, to Fuddrucker's. It was actually a pretty big ordeal, since we walked 6 blocks each way to get the car. But the fries were so worth it, not to mention the ice cream afterwards...yum.



Aaron didn't get off work until after I went to sleep yesterday, so I was sorta sad I didn't get to talk to him.

But this morning the Underpants Gnomes left an unmarked bottle of fun packed in ice on my doorstep in his stead, with a rhyme to go with it, and it made my day (as missy would say) I must've looked like a fool, smiling as I showered, imagining these cute little gnomes struggling up the stairs to the apartment.

July 5th. Darn the injustice, everyone has off work but me!!! When I got out of the shower this morning, I told my sister, as always, "Your turn." And as she mumbled, "Don't have to go to school today," my day began going downhill.

What would I be doing right now if I had the day off? Getting ready for a long day of lounging with maybe even the possibility of hanging out with Aaron. (Alright, it might seem like I hang out with him a lot if you're reading my blogs, but the truth is, we're both working, and with him working weekends and nights I haven't seem him too much. It's just I write about it when I do. Otherwise, it's just filler of driving to and from Galveston, the books I'm reading, etc.)



Anyways, to work backwards:

June 24th--5 years, babe.

June 25th--Cancelled Warped Tour. At the time I was raging pissed. A little rain and the hardcore punks go home. It was rescheduled for Monday but I couldn't take off work again, so we just went go-carting instead, and called it even.

July 4th--Went to go see the Battle of Algiers at the Angelika and then walked a few blocks to see the fireworks. My sister was supposed to come along and in that case we would've seen The Notebook or Spiderman II at Edwards, but she backed out at the last minute so it was just me and Aaron...



Somewhere in there Aaron came up to Galveston to have lunch with me and then after work we went to the beach, which was cool.



Mental notes:

1. Must call Rachel and see when she is leaving for Santiago

2. Must give Jennifer Perales her birthday present

3. Must take my sister to Spiderman II



In recent news, I've become obsessed totally with the JEEP UNLIMITED. I had to use all caps, because that's how it appears in my mind. I am trying to convince my mom to get it for me this summer rather than next summer so I can have fun with it now. It's like, the closest thing to a soft-top Bronco on the market right now, and I literally lust for it. When I get obsessed with a material object, I get *obsessed*. Case and point: my Hoffman bike. In any case, I don't know it will happen, and I'm being sorta spoiled in any case, so we'll just leave it at that.

It's 5 p.m. and I'm still at Galveston, just hangin until I can go home, and meet Aaron to go see Dodgeball. Great game, but I'm leery about the movie.

I woke up at 5 a.m. this morning in order to get to some orientation thing at 7 a.m., which, I had thought would be a nice break from work, but ended up being the most painful torture I have almost ever been through. The only thing worse was the Hanson concert, which is also connected to the Most Embarassing Moment of my ENTIRE life. Remind me to tell you about that later.

Anyways, yeah, orientation. What is it with Asian people and their inability to diversify themselves? So I walk in, and I'm one of the first people there, and so I sit at a table by myself, seeing as all the other tables are sparsely taken up by middle-agers. So the tables start filling up, and first, this girl sits down, who looks about my age (I find out later that she is actually still in H.S.), and then this dude sits down, the first Asian of the eventual flood. But he looks pretty cool, and funny, so I don't think anything of it. Then, as the room continues to fill, I see this Asian woman walk past our table and put her stuff down at another table and then walk out again, giving us a long hard look as she walks by. And I can spot them a mile away. I thought to myself, "Good thing she already put her stuff down b/c she's exactly the kind of Asian to want to sit with only OTHER asians."--FOBish, can't speak English well, badly dressed, and MOST telling of all the signs, a barely describable posture that says, she is insecure, unsure, and yet, quite willing to look down on people of other races. But apparently even I underestimated her capabilities as an OWN-RACE-HANGER-ON, because when she came back into the room, she sat down next to me. Only ten minutes later did she get up to get her stuff from the other table. Wierd, right? Oh it does not stop there. Then, this other woman, slightly less FOBish looking than the other sits down next to her, and they start talking in Chinese together. By this time, I am resigned to my fate for the day, because when some other college-age Asian girl walks up, I am moving my stuff out of her way before she even asks, "Is anyone sitting there?"

Ugh. And that's not it either. I'm not one to stereotype, and you can contradict me if you want, I'll accept that I do criticize more than some quite angelic people I know, but can I help it if I see things in people that bother me? I mean, I will give anyone a fair chance, but one trait that I hate in people, esp. in Asians, b/c they do it so much, is their inability to relate to other races. Dude, I can't tell you how many times I've heard a first generation, late-middle-aged Asian person call an African American a "black ghost," in translation.

Anyways, let me continue. What is with some Asian kids and their total willingness to become a part of the establishment? We're young! We're in college, and we're supposed to have ideas of our own. If you're giving in to the system now, what the hell will you do when you're 60??? (other than eat at Luby's and read Reader's Digest, both of which I have happily succumbed to)

so, example: The girl sitting next to me goes to Stanford for college. And the high school girl was like, "Wow, that's really hard to get into." and that set off the other girl saying, "Well, it just depends on what you do, you have to make wise decisions. For example, I don't think my brother makes the wisest decisions..." etc. and, "They really look to see if you have a passion for something" (and by something, trust me, she meant medicine or engineering, haha) In any case, I don't remember exactly what she said, and what I have said doesn't paint a good enough picture. Let's just say she reminded me of what my dad's ideas are at 50, in the body of a 20 year old. Sickening, right? Nah, I love my dad, and I'm sure he had tons more rebellion and fun in him at 20, which is as it should be. It's just that grownups lose that after a while (I dread it, myself) and this girl must have lost it at like, 5 yrs. old to have come to such a pronounced state of loserdom.

Alright, enough of that, over and out.

Books read since the beginning of summer:



1. The River King, Alice Hoffman

2. Gerald's Game, Stephen King

3. Gothic Tales, Elizabeth Gaskell

4. Northanger Abbey, Jane Austen

5. Stephen King's IT



Movies seen:



1. Day After Tomorrow

2. Harry Potter, Prisoner of Azkaban

3. Stepford Wives

4. Supersize Me

soon to be seen: the Terminal



Summer job: UTMB summer intern.

How is it, you ask? Let's just say I miss my organic chemistry lab.



Things I have done: Michael Taksa's party, gone to Celebration Station to play video games and air hockey with Aaron, and a day of shopping with my sister and parents.



Things coming up: Warped Tour!!! (I'm skipping work to do this, b/c after all, it is summer, and summer isn't complete without a day under the blazing sun listening to some loud punk bands and occasionally getting a whiff of the puke of strangers...you think I'm kidding but I'm not.) And this year, as it might be my last year going, I'm going extra punk.

Argggghhhhh! I am thoroughly frustrated.

For anyone out there, I am now informing you that Elizabeth Gaskell's 683-page epic Wives and Daughters is... UNFINISHED!

After a week of struggling through the not-quite-interesting book, right when it's starting to pay off, and the girl is finally going to get the guy, the book just abruptly leaves off??? I mean, WTF man, WTF!!!!!!!!!!

There will probably be fewer blogs for a while, as the lethargy of summer creeps into my soul as well as my internet connection...

My craving for a night out with the friends was realized (quite unexpectedly) when a seemingly routine Lamar Orchestra concert turned awesome. It was the end of the year concert, and I decided to go, first b/c my sister was playing in it, and second b/c elissa's bro Lawrence was graduating this year. And when I got there, I walked across the street to Baskin Robbins and got a mint chocolate chip shake for old time's sake, and when I get back, who do I run into except elissa, who was still supposed to be in Austin? I had prepared myself for a long summer lacking in friends, so it was awesome to see her, and even cooler when rachel and ellen showed up too! we sat together to watch the concert and it was almost like old times...not entirely, b/c i think we were way louder back in the day. Afterwards, a big group of us (elissa, rachel, ellen, kate phillips, lawrence, and lawrence's gf stephanie)went to 59 diner, and were finally just as loud as we always were, definitely in the realm of bothering other people there.



Anyways, things haven't quite turned out as I planned summer-wise (do they ever, after all?) and I am resigned to a summer of driving in and out of Galveston. However, I am not entirely opposed to it, it will be interesting to do something new, and it will perhaps lead to at least one fun evening with Aaron eating on the Strand or something, maybe.



Let's see, on the agenda: the long-awaited bra shopping with Rachel sometime soon, and...Micheal Taksa's party this Saturday. Also, looking forward to seeing Aaron again on Monday night.



P.S. Got a new cell phone...or rather, for those of you who know me and my lack of a cell phone well, just "Got a cell phone." For how can it be a new cell phone if there was barely ever an old cell phone? Hope that was understandable...it's a very subtle point. (that's not sarcasm though it might seem it)

Anyways, it's cool, it's from Virgin Mobile, which is the company with all the cool commercials.

My new number, much as Bonnie's secret word for free shipping, will be bestowed upon only those that are deemed worthy. So, ask and you shall receive.

Recent favorite thing to do: walk to 7-eleven to buy huge slushies with Aaron.

The last time this happened, the checkout guy was like, "Are you going to get her slushie?" to Aaron, and when Aaron said no (b/c I was going to pay for myself) the guy was like, "Be a man! buy her a slushie." Aaron just laughed and was like, "eh...no..." but the checkout guy added it to his bill anyway--lol. modern chivalry.



I've been craving a night out with Elissa and Rachel and the gang but alas, it is not to be. Everyone's busy with finals, going home, jobs, and boyfriends.



Tonight, as the last night in Austin, Aaron and I went dumpster diving in the Empire, Clown Dog and Ozone dumpsters looking for deserted bike parts. Packing now, and tomorrow, moving out extra early. Then maybe a nap at Aaron's before driving home...



Hopefully I get a job at an animal hospital this summer, and then next semester, no more organic, no more bio, just physics, english, and history...yay.



anyways, last blog as a sophomore. over and out.

I am so tired of study and so physically deprived of movement that going up the four flights of stairs to my room felt sooo good.

Organic final tomorrow, and then the next day, Cell Bio. As of now, having a panic attack.

Current Playlist: Metric!!!

1. Combat Baby

2. Wet Blanket

3. Calculation Theme

4. Down

5. Soft Rock Star



Current Status: feeling distension of the stomach and other strange discomforts...



Currently strapping on the converses and unlocking my bike to head over to the UGL to watch a movie I've already seen once, torturously, but that I must write a paper on.



This last week I was insanely happy, like, hyperactively, jumping around, general feeling of well-being happy.

Now, not so much, a little stressed about finals, end of the year, etc. Also, (and I think this is the main reason) I'm always hungry, and then after I eat, I feel grossly full. So that's probably the main reason the general feeling of well being has been lost, at least for today.



Next summer, the schedule looks good, just physics and physics lab to worry about, b/c my other classes are: a shakespeare class (which would suck b/c unlike every other english major out there, i don't find anything special about shakespeare's plays, the only reason i can see for thinking them special is that they are in a diff. language than plays nowadays...where was I? oh yeah, it doesn't suck though, b/c it seems like a pretty laid back class.) I's also taking 20th century short story, with the wife of my current Australian Lit. prof., which promises to be interesting. Also, a history class with Aaron (which just happened to coincide...) Yeah I wonder how that will be.



In any case, over and out, a boring movie is calling me away.

wow. It's been a long weekend. (long in the sense of so good, i can't even remember quite what i did on Friday anymore...) let's think.



ok, so. It all started Thursday night.

I had been in the library since 12 noon until the test which was at 7 pm, and so I got out of the test ready and rarin' to go (to walmart with aaron...humble destinations, but great fun if only b/c i was out on a weeknight.) We were planning on going latenight eating at Denny's but the lure of the 50 piece bucket o'nuggets at the McDonald's foiled our plans--apparently a bucket o'nuggets is a great way to meet people, b/c so many people commented on it, just walking by our table, and one dude even asked for one.



Friday, I went shopping at Barton Creek with Rachel for clothes, and spent a small fortune at American Eagle, for which I was rewarded by an awesome little water bottle that they gave away for free if you paid over $60. (I surpassed this by only $4...)

Actually, we went shopping b/c Rachel needed to buy Elissa a birthday present, the clothes were only a selfish side-project. In searching for this elusive present, me and rachel ended up spending like, an hour at Pottery Barn esp., and also Williams-Sonoma. It was fun. I found myself strangely enraptured by a certain cereal bowl set at the Pottery Barn.

**Sidenote: Is it strange that I feel like a traitor for wanting to buy cereal bowls? Ok that sounds insane, but follow my reasoning. I hate guys that take it as a given that if you have a boyfriend, they can find you on the weekends barefoot in the kitchen with your gap jeans on and holding a spatula. Ok yeah, I might sound ridiculous, b/c barely anyone thinks (or at least declares) women should stay in the kitchen nowadays, but believe me, I've encountered it, and quite recently in fact. The funny thing is, this person didn't even mean it in a bad way, they just sorta, assumed. Which is worse. Anyways, back to the point...I guess I equate buying cereal bowls at pottery barn with some sort of offensive stereotype of what certain people think a girl's role is. Not a lot of people, this isn't some blanket rant, but some people.

Needless to say, I did not buy the cereal bowls. Actually, not because of all this, but b/c they were freaking expensive. If they weren't so expensive, I would have bought them anyways, b/c they were so cool--made out of clay, and brightly colored, and even the spoons were made out of clay...and besides, making decisions based on whether you're going to either fall into a stereotype or go against a stereotype gives it all more power than it deserves--I'll do what I do because I want to...

Anyways, yeah. Friday night I cooked lasagna with Aaron after buying the supplies at HEB, and though I thought it was screwed up for sure, it was actually really good. And then we ate, Jimmy and Aaron and I, and watched John Carpenter's The Thing, which was really good, though I think it's title takes away from it.

Saturday, hung out, watched TV, then went with Aaron to walk around 40 acres fest to scrounge for free stuff, and then to this play that he had to go to (more on that in another blog perhaps). After that, got recruited by Rachel to go to see Metric playing--they were really good. Then, onto Elissa's party. Extra fun, and stayed up till 3 b/c of it...won at poker, $8, whoo-hoo!

Then today, church with Aaron and lol--chinese buffet where I stuffed myself silly b/c near the end I found these awesome sweet biscuits that went perfectly with vanilla ice cream to make the most delicious concoction I've ever tasted.

Darn. Now it's time to start on my short story.

huge Organic test today, 7pm--wish me luck.



Have had a pretty good week so far.



Last night, I found out that the infamous Singleton is now married. Funny to think about, and I wonder what they're like together. (for anyone who doesn't know, Singleton is the John Mayer of English teachers--he knows exactly what gets to every girl, and though you know he's playing you, you can't help but fall for the charm.)



Earlier last night, I was at the library studying, and Aaron brought me snacks (easter egg whoppers, crackers, and jelly beans!) and a soda. : )



I missed the O.C.! I was working on...strange to say, O.rganic C.hem! Ha I made that up myself.



Looking forward to this weekend--it's Elissa's birthday, which means another awesome bash at her boyfriend Aaron's.

Current playlist:

1. The Cure - Mint Car

2. Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved

3. The Cure - Catch

4. Fat Lip - Whats Up Fatlip

5. Modest Mouse - Float On

friday afternoons!! great fun.

went to class, organic the only dark spot in the morning...then creative writing (in which i made myself a mental note to read read Gabriel Garcia Marquez's "A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings: A Tale for Children" to future kids) and australian lit.



Then--got ChickfilA's to go, and the UGL to finish watching Nobody's Business, (hilarious documentary). after-communications building with jimmy as well to see what they'd filmed last weekend.

Stopped by Empire BMX to see if they had the Odyssey Jpeg lites for aaron's bike, but they only had the wrong size. Then, Highland mall--where I got some jeans, finally, they are pretty cool.

then went home, watched tv for a while, then a quick HEB stop for frito pie stuff, (which we had planned to make after seeing eternal sunshine but didnt) then eternal sunshine (second time for me) with jimmy at westgate.

finished the night off with wendy's late night dining.



life is fun. (and frito pies make it good)

//10 bands you've been listening a lot to lately:

1. The Cure

2. The Get Up Kids

3. Ben Kweller

4. The Distillers

5. Blink 182

6. John Mayer

7. Dave Matthews Band

8. Maroon 5 (don't laugh please...)

9. Yeah Yeah Yeahs

10. Letters to Cleo



//09 things you look forward to:

1. shopping this weekend for much-needed clothes

2. shopping this weekend for a present for elissa

3. going late night grocery shopping with aaron

4. seeing eternal sunshine of the spotless mind again

5. seeing dawn of the dead/the punisher

6. reading michael marshall smith's clones whenever i can get an english version

7. swimming at barton creek when it gets burning hot

8. getting eternal sunshine on dvd

9. being done with my hw tonight



//8 things you like to wear:

1. my gap jeans (that i've ruined just a few days ago)

2. my john mayer shirt

2. converses

3. cute underwear

4. flip-flops

5. tank tops

6. my pink and black eighties skirt

7. scarfs

8. anklets



//07 things that annoy you:

1. having to wake up any time before 8 A.M.

2. trying to sleep at night while listening to someone's car alarm four floors down

3. boys who don't want to talk after they find out you're not looking for a bf

4. feeling stupid after saying something

5. organic lab

6. excessively peppy/corny/cliched people

7. my eyes getting red b/c of contacts



//06 things you say most days:

1. awesome

2. dude

3. hey

4. have you seen eternal sunshine yet??

5. argh!

6. whoo!

(i don't really talk that much)



//05 things you do everyday:

1. get on im and check people's profiles compulsively

2. listen to music

3. feed my fish

4. tell myself not to overanalyze

5. shower...ha sell out answer, right?



//04 people you want to spend more time with:

1. my sister

2. rachel and elissa

3. grandparents in taiwan

4. new/random people i've never met before



//03 movies you could watch over and over again:

1. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

2. notting hill

3. the sandlot. don't ask me why



//02 of your favorite songs at the moment:

1. crush by dave matthews band

2. catch by the cure



//01 person you could spend the rest of your life with:

1. you know who you are.



NUMBER OF...

:x: piercings = 0

:x: tattoos = 0

:x: height = 5'4"

:x: shoe size = 8

:x: hair color = brown

:x: siblings = just one



LAST...

:x: movie you rented = the green mile

:x: movie you bought = anne of green gables

:x: song you listened to = she will be loved, maroon 5

:x: song that was stuck in your head: hey mama, the black eyed peas

:x: cd you listened to = the o.c. mix 1

:x: person you've called = my mom

:x: person that's called you = aaron

:x: tv show you've watched = jackass

:x: person you were thinking of = aaron

:x: friend you made = dan



DO...

:x: you have a crush on someone = x24

:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = no, austin is the best--the one and only

:x: you think about suicide = not seriously

:x: you believe in online dating = nope

:x: others find you attractive = maybe? if i'm lucky

:x: you want more piercings = yes

:x: you drink = i have drank before, but not much

:x: you smoke = nope, but i will if some new study finds that it only causes fever/colds rather than cancer--my first pack will be cloves

:x: you like cleaning = yes (no comments on where women should stay, please...)

:x: you like roller coasters = YES!

:x: you write in cursive or print = mix



FAVORITE...

:x: food = chipotle burritos/double dave's pizza

:x: song = wheel, john mayer

:x: thing to do = listen to music

:x: thing to talk about = random subjects that seem hilariously funny at the time

:x: sports = ??? riding my bike, i guess

:x: drinks = sprite

:x: clothes = the now-ruined gap jeans, my pink and black skirt

:x: movies = eternal sunshine

:x: singer = tim armstrong

:x: holiday = halloween



HAVE YOU...

:x: ever cried over a girl = um no

:x: ever cried over a boy = yes

:x: ever lied to someone = sadly yes

:x: ever been in a fist fight = failed ones...w/ my sister, and once, with nathan shaw in fourth grade

:x: ever been arrested = nope



DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...

:x: pretty = sometimes

:x: funny = when i'm with certain people

:x: hot = sometimes

:x: friendly = in my head i am

:x: amusing = with certain people

:x: ugly = hopefully, no

:x: caring = yeah



wow that took a long time to complete, jen s. btw i still haven't listened to the new ben kweller though it's sitting in front of me right at this very second.

I had a friend who once said that anything that you could not tell your mother, you did not truly believe. Well, I've told my mother, but I have yet been unable to act like anything is wrong here. So I guess this is the last untraversed frontier.

Things are horribly wrong. I have had the absolute worst month of my life, and there is no sign of it stopping anytime soon. I am not exaggerating, it is literally the worst time I have ever known.

I guess sometimes you just have to let go, but it's hard when I remember that everything that I have to let go is still so important to me, still something I want so badly.

At this time, I understand what my pretentious english teacher last semester said about "unmediated communication," how Wuthering Heights was all about people trying to gain that, and not being able to, because words themselves act as a barrier. I see now that they do. They make what I am feeling seem cliched, overdone. But if unmediated communication were possible, you would all be clutching your stomachs and crying your eyes out at this very second, feeling what I'm feeling.



It's hard to remember that even when life is not going as I want it, God knows what He is doing. extra hard. almost impossible.



there. I've done it, blogged my troubles. now hope that i can deal with them, face reality finally, get through it...

Mail from home! I feel like Anne of Green Gables...



My sister is hilarious, I tell you. She sent me two postcards, which she had mentioned the last time she came to see me, saying that the funny part was sending them, so she didn't bring them to me. So one of them (the first one) has a picture of a "Texas Longhorn" on it, with a cowprint background. It looks like something you'd buy at some dusty truck stop/gas station on the way to Tyler, TX or something. The other one features the Rascal Flatts, advertising

THE NEW ALBUM



IN-STORES

EVERYWHERE

OCTOBER 29 2002

Sad isn't it? But she spiced it up with some old west stickers--a sheriff's star, a cowboy hat, and a wanted sign.

And here is what she wrote:



READ THIS CARD FIRST



Greetings From Texas!! (j/k)

anyway...I was writing postcards to Taiwan and I thought I'd drop you a line...(on these gems!) Anyway I was watching Jay Leno and this guy was on talking about how his italian uncle would always have a scam going on...even with mail...He'd write the person who he was writing to's address and name in the sender place on the envelope and put no stamp on the letter...and it'd get sent to the person for incorrect postage...

(see next card...)

READ OTHER CARD FIRST!!



and when the guy was like..."Hey Uncle Eddie...that's mail fraud" his uncle was like "no...that's GENIUS!!" and then I laughed really hard...anyway...I really hope you get both postcards at the same time so they actually make sense...but if you don't get both, just call me for the punch line or the beginning of the joke...well, bye

heart, Monica

Do you love the stickers...or what?!



end transcript



Isn't she hilarious? I literally laughed all the way back to my room from my mailbox. wow. I feel sorry for people who do not have such witty banter with their siblings.



anyways, let's see. today some strange things happened, not the least of which was the fact that a tiny, spring-green colored worm found it's way next to me in Biology class today. It's funny, cause I had just been thinking about them, how they would hang on their silk strings from trees in my backyard in houston on summer days, and how I would be afraid of walking into them (b/c incidentally they love to hang exactly at face height) and then today in class, I look over, and there one is, just still, and I thought it was dead. Then, in the middle of class it all of a sudden started moving, and I was so surprised I tapped the guy next to me and was like, dude, isn't that sick? but then it started looking cute so I ended up getting it to crawl onto a piece of looseleaf paper (he must have felt at home--get it? looseLEAF? caterpillar?? ok, ok, apparently my sister got the wit and i got the well...nevermind) and I set it free on a tree trunk outside. I wish it well.

But isn't that funny? How did it get into the classroom? anyways, it was an interesting event.

Went to Chipotle tonight with Rachel, walked around, and ended up watching crap movies on cable in my room till about midnight...all in all a pretty cool night.

Also, decided last minute to enter a short story contest, so we'll see how that goes.



new things: (mostly acquired over spring break)

1. contacts--so i don't have to walk around blind in order to satisfy my vanity anymore...vain bitch right? (not as vulgar as it sounds, most of you out there get the joke...ok i will explain it. it all started with the travesty--in the "on campus" section, it was like, "on campus, you will check yourself out as you walk past the windows of the UGL and someone inside studying will think, 'god, what a vain bitch'"--and it's so true. I do it all the time. I'm not saying I'm proud of it...and I know you do it too.)

2. new computer!!! my parents are coming up sunday to bring it up--I am so excited. I've already decided the first two songs I will download off the internet. First, Alison Kraus's "Baby now that I've found you" and Maroon 5's "This Love." Again, not proud of these choices exactly, but they are what they are. And to make up for it, the third and fourth things I will download are the Get Up Kids' "Ann Arbor" and "Mass Pike."

3. bathing suit



And that's basically it, pretty good haul right?



"I am disposed to be gregarious and communicative to-night."

Name the book and you will have my respect forever.



In any case, I am, but it is already 2:45 am, so I will have to console myself in trying to find an old episode of the x-files somewhere on tv instead.



goodnight

"...one hand on the trigger of a telephone

wondering when the call comes

will you say it's alright, you got your heart right?

maybe I'll sleep inside my coat

and wait on your porch until you come back home alright



we share the sadness, split screen sadness



'all you need is love' is a lie

cause we had a love but we still said goodbye



and it stings when it's nobody's fault

cause there's nothing to blame at the drop of your name

it's only the air you took

and the breath you left..."



-john mayer

I've gotta say, Oprah is getting a little big for her britches...it's all well and good to put "Oprah Book Club" stickers on unknown modern writers like Wally Lamb who write sentimental, introspective novels, but it's gone a bit far when it extends to Gabriel Garcia Marquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude. Does literature need her approval in order to be better?



(yeah i've been saving that up all spring break)



Anyways, here I am at the library, checking in so you know I'm alive. I don't have a computer in my room right now, b/c I bought a new one (or rather, my parents bought me a new one) and it's getting sent.



over and out

sometimes i wish i could reach past tendon, bone, and marrow and fine tune whatever the hell is wrong with me.

i am sick of trying to be a better person than i am, cause in the end, it's just putting a thin gloss of lacquer over it all. why should i keep trying to make myself feel okay about something, and smile even while it bothers me, and apologize when i lose that precarious hold over myself, and show something beneath that lacquer when obviously that's just who i am? it's something i can't help.

but the thing is, i hate some things about me, and if i could fully change those things, i would. i'm just saying its damned hard to just keep treading water like i've been doing. trying to stay on top of myself and make sure my deeper feelings never show, never get out to interfere with others' lives/experiences.



anyways this is a fucking boring blog...i'll think of something better for next time

today sucks...

i feel off-center, like i can't do anything right



school is driving me batty and i think maybe i should just turn mute for a few months. it would be easier not having to say anything to anyone so as not to have to think about whether what i've just said is out of place.



except for aaron, i always feel myself when i am around him (also on this list is elissa, cause she knows how retarded and critical i can be already)





today i biked over to the communications building with aaron to see if the film short that i was in turned out ok, and it did. the story was: i am in a tracksuit and ghetto 80's sunglasses. there is a random tv table in a parking lot next to a tree and a dumpster, with flowers and a bottle of sake. i walk up to the table, take a shot of the sake, stand up, and throw up in slow motion...part of his bodily function series i guess (the last one featured jimmy picking his nose disgustingly with corn syrup as fake boogers)--the throw up was clam chowder.

anyways, then we went to burger king where i gave a deaf person a dollar, one of the only good things i have done today, and then i came home and i am writing this.



last night we went to taco cabana and it was cool too. anywhere i can bike feels cool. yay! i love my bike.

up in the morning, and out to school

mother says there'll be no work next year

qualifications was the golden rule

are now just pieces of paper



just because you're better than me

doesnt mean i'm lazy

just because you're going forwards

doesnt mean i'm going backwards



well if you look the part well then you get the job

last years trousers and your old school shoes

truth is son its a buyers market

they can afford to pick and choose



just because your better than me

doesnt mean im lazy

just because i dress like this

doesnt mean im a communist



well the factories are closin and the armys full

i dont know what im going to do

but ive come to see in the land of the free

there's only room for a chosen few



just because you're better than me

doesnt mean i'm lazy

just because your going forwards

doesnt mean im going backwards



well at 21 your at top of the scrap heap

but 16 you were top of your class

well i dropped outa high school in campbell calif.

got a guitar and i never looked back



just because your better than me

doesnt mean im lazy

just because i dress like this

doesnt mean i'm a communist



-lars frederickson and the bastards

Yes, it is quite Wednesday, Tuesday has come and gone.



Monday it stormed right as I was coming home from volunteering at Brack hospital.

As I was walking home, I saw a perfectly intact dead squirrel lying at the foot of a tree and clutching a visine bottle in its paws. I went quite a bit out of my way to capture this on film, and when it's developed, I'll let you know if you are interested. No disrespect to the poor squirrel, I pray safe passage to heaven for him/her.

After I walked past the squirrel, and was heading towards Aaron's apt. to hang out before he had to go to class, it started thundering like mad--first flashes of lightning which just barely lightened the cloudy storm yellow-tinted sky, but felt like a barely restrained something that was soon to be unrestrained. And then when the thunder came, it came as a crash that echoed in the bones and flesh, and was somehow a release. This went on for about ten minutes, and by the time I was at Aaron's apt. eating the chips and queso, etc. that I had picked up from taco cabana, it started raining hard.

I haven't seen that kind of rain in a long time, but it seems like I had it stored up in my memory, and when I finally saw it, I knew I had been waiting for it to finally come. The day became sunlit, and clear, and the rain just made everything brighter and clearer. We just sat outside on the second floor and looked out over the shut-down gas station, and the street, and part of the drag, and the rain encased all of these and made them into memory.

Today was my organic chemistry test. I don't know whether I did well, I just have this feeling of dread, that I didn't do as well as I could have...

Which makes me feel guilty for wanting anything right now but...I have become really obsessed with this bike thing. And it's not even just the bike anymore, it's the knowledge and the atmosphere in general--I went to bed thinking about it, and didn't fall asleep until 2:40 and then woke up at 6:25 without the alarm and laid in bed half-thinking, half-dreaming about it until I had to get up to go to class. It's so wierd, it's like a high school infatuation but just a thousand times more psychotic (though some of those hs infatuations were pretty damn psychotic already...)

But yeah, I think I have decided on the blue bike, (sorry guys, most of ya'll did pick the red one--except for jenn s. which sorta just proves all over again how we think exactly alike--but yeah, I can't get the Hoffman Rhythm out of my head)

But the one concrete detail that sealed the deal for me was that one of the reasons I was unsure about the Hoffman was that my old bike was easier to pedal than a lot of those other BMX bikes that are made for boys, and I wasn't sure how the Hoffman would ride. But yesterday, taking time out from when I should have been studying organic, I looked it up, and figured out the concept of the gear ratio.

Anyone interested? well I'm going to tell you anyway.

There are two gear thingys on the bike (yeah i'm going to give you the technical version) the big one is called the chain wheel and the little one (on the back wheel) is called the freewheel. The gear ratio is based on how many little teeth are on each of these gears, and it is: (# teeth on chainwheel/ # teeth on freewheel) x diameter of tires (which is 20" on most bmx bikes)

So anyways, whereas my stolen bike had a gear ratio of 39/16, the Hoffman is 39/14 which would be harder to pedal. But here's what decided me: Empire (the store I'm buying the bike from) says they will change the gear for free...so I'm going to get the Hoffman.

Ok yeah hopefully the last entry about bikes, I always hate it when people are all talking about their material wants on their blogs, but apparently I have fallen into that category lately. But it's fun to think about...is it normal to be so materialistic??

I'm so alive

I'm so enlightened

I can barely survive

A night in my mind

So I've got a plan

I'm gonna find out just how boring I am

and have a good time



Cause ever since I tried

Trying not to find

Every little meaning in my life

It's been fine

I've been cool

With my new golden rule



Numb is the new deep

Done with the old me

And talk is the same cheap it's been



...and look at the stars

Don't it remind you just how feeble we are?

Well it used to, I guess



I'm a new man

I wear a new cologne and

You wouldn't know me if your eyes were closed

I know what you'll say

'This won't last longer than the rest of the day'

But you're wrong this time, you're wrong



Numb is the new deep

Done with the old me

I'm over the analyzing

Tonight



Stop trying to figure it out

Deep will only bring you down

You know, I used to be the back porch poet with my book of rhymes

always open knowing all the time I'm probably

Never gonna find the perfect rhyme

For heavier things



-John Mayer

At this point, it's one to one...so let's take a poll:

Which bike should I get? Here are the details:

1. The red one is the one I had stolen, and it most likely will cost $170.

2. The blue one is $240.

3. Questions: Would either look poserish?

Since I wear jeans all the time, would the blue make me look washed out?

Finally, which bike defines my essence best?

Ok that's all I can think of right now, except...please don't think I'm neurotic, at least not outside this subject. I seem to get extra analytical and detailed at certain points, and I promise it won't happen too much. God, I feel like I'm in middle school again, with all those in depth discussions about nothing.

alright, here are the links to pictures:

http://www.hoffmanbikes.com/04PRODIMAGES/CB_RhythmEL1.jpg

vs.

http://www.riteway-jp.com/2003gt/fs/comp.htm

Life is hectic.

Got a 96 on my last cell bio test, awesome!

This week it is organic, and I have an Australian Lit. paper due, and organic lab just sucks as always.

Anyways, found out the prices, about $240 for the bike, which I don't know if I'm willing to pay, so...



My Australian Lit teacher is hilarious, here are some quotes (pertaining to the movie Walkabout):

"...the family unit is completely repressed...or they're just British or something."

"the tree is an erotic representation of...whatever."

"the guy's a total loser--he only killed himself, so he only succeeded in one third of his mission."



Off I go with some Coke for company to finish my paper.

Friday was fun, went to Empire Bikes to check out how much it would be to replace the irreplaceable...apparently more than I am willing to pay. (they custom for $400 plus)

It snowed! less than last year, b/c it only stuck to the cars but we threw snowballs nevertheless, and built mini-snowmen, the only kind that exist around here. Didn't get to bed until 4am, then Saturday morning I dragged myself out of bed to accompany Aaron to the editing lab, and while I was there, I looked up Hoffman bikes, which turned out to be awesome. So now I want the Hoffman Rhythm EL-1...

http://www.hoffmanbikes.com/04PRODIMAGES/CB_RhythmEL1.jpg

to see it.



Saturday--Valentine's Day.

Aaron took me to Pappadeaux, which I'd never been to, and we went to see a movie, The Highwaymen...which was so bad it was funny.



And now, Sunday, I am absolutely screwed homework-wise, so I'm gonna go now.

Here I am, eating a nutty bar I don't want, drinking grapefruit juice and blogging just to avoid studying for a test I have in about an hour.

Let's see, updates...

spent thirty bucks on some psycho obsessive lock for my bike...that I have not bought yet, and nor decided which one I will buy. None seem to live up to my previous standards. So right now, Aaron's ghetto little mongoose (who no one would ever want to steal, but which I am borrowing) is chained with a lock that is worth more than the bike itself.

Have been having trouble with organic lab. Have never felt so klutzy as I did last thursday...afterwards I went over to Aaron's and cried--ask him. pathetic but true, organic has finally reduced me to tears. Today's lab was hectic as well, but not my fault this time, thank god. The equipment messed up...but I think I am still smelling fumes from the ether, so maybe I didn't do so well. (oh the days when ether was merely something random and cool that people wrote songs about...I have had way too much personal knowledge of it as of now)

Got an A on my short story that I was so worried about, and nice comments from the professor, so I feel better about my english major, maybe it will actually amount to something. Strange but I feel better about making that one A in creative writing than any other A in science based classes that I have made...i swear i read that story over and over trying to see whether his comments were sincere or not.

This weekend--valentine's day! Aaron's making the plans...or not making them, I can't tell, he says it's nothing, but then hints at a secret, so we'll see.

Sending my sister oscar the grouch stickers from toy joy as a present, (no hidden meaning they were just cute stickers) and...the end.

wish me luck on the test.

Some bastard stole my bike.

Yesterday, I rode to Aaron's on it and chained it up to the stairs. Later, I drove everyone over to Elissa's for dinner, came back around 10:00, kidnapped Aaron to come park the car in west campus with me, and then walked back to his apartment. As we walked up the stairs, we saw my bike still chained. Then, we went up to the apartment, and he finished his video game (which took like 15 minutes), came back, and the bike is gone. the audacity!

I reported it to UTPD this morning, upon which one of them happen to notice my old driver's license and aaron's in my wallet and makes me call him up to vouch for it...i could just see that cop getting happy...an unexpected fake ID bust! (apparently UTPD doesn't see much action, the occasional stolen bike/fake ID is all...) but no it was all legitimate, sorry to disappoint. All in all, the cops were pretty nice, but it's just been a dump on Jennifer week, stolen bike, police thinking i'm a punk kid, and a thousand other small things that don't really mean anything on their own...

I miss my bike, it was the perfect red, and had old english writing on it, and just felt right. the perfect girl's bike. karma will return in many forms to the stealers of my bike.



Today I went to 1/2 price books and loaded up on the stephen king...got my laptop fixed--i am connected again! by the geniuses in the ITS building, though walking through there is like walking through a warp zone--you ain't comin out again anytime soon.



all in all, life is good, because tomorrow night is frito pie night.

only a few minutes/hours of each day are worth writing about, so...

1.12.04

went grocery shopping with aaron, and cooked frito pies for dinner, baked cookies, and watched how to lose a guy in 10 days and some foreign Gerard Depardieu movie about twins. it was nice, just living, doing normal everyday things. it felt right, like a fulfillment of some image in my mind of what i have always wanted to do with a guy that i am in love with.

1.17.04

Kettering Falls, Austin. with aaron and jimmy. main image: vast expanse of stark, slate colored rocks relieved only by obsidian holes filled with water, each its own mini-universe...these increased in number until reaching the falls themselves.

1.18.04

went to elissa's boyfriend aaron's apt. for a party/video game thing. they had margaritas but i was driving. played tetris a few times with four people on the screen. it was cool, saw rachel and travis together for the first time as a couple...which seemed to fit more than any other guy rachel has been with, he seems nice. got home around 2.

1.23.04

bought stephen king's dark half because it started with an extraction of an 11 yr old boy's brain tumor--"Protruding from the smooth surface of the dura was a single blind and malformed human eye. The brain was pulsing slightly. The eye pulsed with it. It looked as if it were trying to wink at them....In addition to the eye, they found part of a nostril, three fingernails, and two teeth. One of the teeth had a small cavity in it. The eye went on pulsing and trying to wink right up tot he second when Pritchard used the needle-scalpel to first puncture and then excise it...."

"This wasn't cancer....In a great many deliveries where the mother gives birth to a single child, that child actually started existence as a twin. It may run as high as two in every ten. What happens to the other fetus? The stronger absorbs the weaker.....Part of this boy's twin went unabsorbed. It happened to end up in his prefrontal lobe. Usually the only doctors who see something like this are pathologists--it turns up in autopsies....Something set this mass of tissue, which was probably submicroscopic in size a year ago, going again."

cool right?

i also saw Aliens tonight, coolest character: Bishop, with the innocent eyes.

1.21.04 on

been watching the newlyweds marathon, and wednesday night watched the o.c. and then aaron came over to catch the first newlyweds episode of the season (he says he watches it b/c of me, but he's the one who always remembers it's on...)

recently i've been watching the osbournes marathon on mtv and i love ozzy--he is awesome.

and alas, the dearth of mtv is upon me, i have begun to enjoy the maroon 5 song that is always on the commercials: "this love has taken it's toll on me/she said goodbye too many times before/and her heart is breaking in front of me/ and i have no choice cause i won't say goodbye anymore"



and to sum up this weekend...



"it always seems love is not sweet

like in dreams

something falls through

but i don't want that to happen

to me and you...

last saturday you said how you feel will not go away

well all the fishes in the sea

they could not be happier than me"

-jewel

Woke up at 7:40 am this morning for my first class at 8 only to sit in a classroom for 15 minutes before following the wave of people walking out. argh--do not make me wake up and be seen unshowered with a grungy-ass ponytail and be depressed about going to class for an entire night and then not show up!! a plague on both their families...

anyways, there were a couple of people i recognized in that class, so i guess i'm not as depressed as last night about it...

school starts tomorrow...

status: depressed

1. What is your Full Name: Jennifer Tseng

2. What color pants are you wearing right now? jeans

3. What are you listening to right now? no doubt, yeah yeah yeahs

4. What are the last 4 digits of your phone number? 5365

5. What was the last thing you ate? uggers, chinese buffet

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? sea foam green

7. How is the weather right now? middlingly cold

8. Last person you talked to on the phone? aaron

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? height

10. Do you like the person who sent you this? copied it from jenn1's blog--yes

11. How are you today? eh

12. Favorite drink? mint chocolate chip shake at 59 diner

13. Favorite alcoholic drink? wine coolers

14. Favorite sport? to watch? basketball

15. Hair color? brown

17. Do you wear contacts? no, glasses... but I don't wear those either. (gotta go with you there jenn1)

18. Siblings, and their ages: monica, 16 on jan 13

19. Favorite month: october...halloween and lotsa school year left

20. Favorite foods? chipotle

21. Last movie you watched: runaway bride on vhs (don't judge me)

22. Favorite day of the year? june 24

24. Are you too shy to ask someone out? depends on who it is

26. Summer or Winter? depends

27. Hugs or Kisses? both

28. Relationships or One Night Stands? relationships

29. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla

30. Living arrangements? dorm room avec christina

31. What books are you reading? when dean koontz's odd thomas won't put me into bankruptcy i will be reading that

32. Favorite Board Game? 1313 dead end drive

33. What are you doing tonight? going to a show with my sister

34. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? nope 35. Buttered, Plain, or Salted Popcorn?? lotsa butter

36. Favorite car? old convertible broncos

37. Favorite flower? the kind they sell at this flower shop in austin, they are weeds but i don't know their name

38. How many keys on your key ring? 6-two apartment keys, one dorm key, one guitar case key, one car key, one bike lock key

39. Can you juggle? no...hand eye coordination is nil

40. Favorite day of the week? friday

41. Red or white wine? eh...red is prettier?

42. What did you do for your last birthday? went to 6th street then had a surprise party

43. Do you carry a donor card? no



YES OR NO…

x. you keep a diary: does this count?

x. you like to cook: not well but yes

x. you have a secret you have not shared with anyone: yes

x. you bite your fingernails: never

x. do you believe in love: yes



WHO IS...?

x. the prettiest female you know: my sister

x. the weirdest person you know: everyone is wierd

x. the Sexiest Person you Know: aaron (hey baby...)

x. Your friends: rachel, elissa, jenn1...is that IT?

x. the Person that Knows the Most about you: aaron but who knows how much he understands...if understanding counts, my sister

x. your Crush?: matthew macaunehey...however you spell that

x. Most Boring Teacher: last semester's english teacher



WHAT IS...?

x. your most overused phrase on IM: "hmm..."

x. the last image/thought you go to sleep with: go to sleep go to sleep go to sleep

x. stuck in your head: "wait they don't love you like i love you..." (yeah yeah yeahs)



DO YOU...?

x. take a shower everyday: yes

x. think you know you've been in love: yup

x. want to get married: we'll see.. yeah.

x. have any tattoos/where?: no

x. piercings/where?: no

x. motion sickness: only if i read in the car without shielding my eyes from the windows

x. think you're a health freak: somewhere in between the "moderate" and "hell no" mark. (same here)

x. get along with your parents: eh

x. like thunderstorms: love them

x. like surveys: eh



WHEN YOU SEE THIS NAME YOU THINK OF:

x. Ryan: sister's friend

x. Rob: Thomas

x. Drew: Johnson

x. Stephanie: Tanner

x. Heather: Nova

x. Aaron: Yarbrough

x. Amy: Judging Amy

x. Will: and Grace

x. Paul: McCartney

x. Eve: chrismas eve

x. John: sister's friend

x. Alex: asshole

x. Dave: large adam's apple...

x. Justin: timberlake

x. Ricky: martin

x. Jacob: dylan