--Right now I am as happy as material goods and fun with friends can make me. last night we stayed up and talked until 4 in the morning, all of us in a tiny bottom bunk. and then today we went around to thrift shops and costume shops to look for costumes, but we didn't find much, until after we dropped off elissa, and me and rachel went shopping at...the MALL!!! yes, some people look down on the mall, that wonderful collection of all the capitalist teenybopper stores, but there is something to be said about its mood-lifting abilities.
me and rachel went crazy, on an underwear binge, etc. so we both ended up spending about $55 each on clothes. but I got my halloween outfit so I am happy--I am going to be a schoolgirl! fun fun fun
now i feel ready to tackle my organic chemistry.
and off i go.
Saturday, October 18, 2003
I'm at St. Edward's right now, spending the night with Elissa and Rachel! no, there have not been any pillowfights in underwear...as of yet.
first we went to guero's to eat which closed at 11 and we got there at 11:10 but they let us in anyway, probably b/c of rachel's pigtails...sick guys have pigtails/little girl fantasies.
ha i'm just saying that cause i'm jealous. i feel so stupid in pigtails.
anyways yeah then i spent the rest of the night reading elissa's diary...
there's this passage where we were just graduating middle school and she is listening to Sublime's "Santeria" and being sad about leaving middle school and then it skips to ninth grade after Christmas break, and it's just one of the saddest transitions ever...
"Everything's coming to an end. How ironic, I'm listening to Santeria again. It fits again. 'The hand you hold is the hand that holds you down." But when you let go, there's an empty space...I have a scar on my left arm, bitten cuticles, and wear a star around my neck to remind me of who I am...This was supposed to be a happy journal entry. 'Let the dreamers dream and the poets write, but let me stay in the corner and cry.'"
All the bad experiences we had, all compacted in those first few months of high school screwed us up and made us think and talk like some depressing Alice Hoffman novel...
Yeah well that's how it is. Maybe I needed bad things like that to happen in order to get where I am now. but it's a high price to pay.
all I can do to keep myself from resigning to confusion and regret is to remind myself that the worst is past, and all they are is memories. its just sad to see how they affected us. it's like elissa, when she wrote in the journal in those last few days of middle school, everything was fine, but in that space of a few empty pages, skipped to mark the transition from middle school to high school, everything went wrong, at least temporarily.
oh well, be happy, life isn't always bad. sometimes you meet people like Aaron, who I love, and who loves me, and sometimes you have experiences like playing guitar with a bunch of strangers who become friends just on the basis of music.
first we went to guero's to eat which closed at 11 and we got there at 11:10 but they let us in anyway, probably b/c of rachel's pigtails...sick guys have pigtails/little girl fantasies.
ha i'm just saying that cause i'm jealous. i feel so stupid in pigtails.
anyways yeah then i spent the rest of the night reading elissa's diary...
there's this passage where we were just graduating middle school and she is listening to Sublime's "Santeria" and being sad about leaving middle school and then it skips to ninth grade after Christmas break, and it's just one of the saddest transitions ever...
"Everything's coming to an end. How ironic, I'm listening to Santeria again. It fits again. 'The hand you hold is the hand that holds you down." But when you let go, there's an empty space...I have a scar on my left arm, bitten cuticles, and wear a star around my neck to remind me of who I am...This was supposed to be a happy journal entry. 'Let the dreamers dream and the poets write, but let me stay in the corner and cry.'"
All the bad experiences we had, all compacted in those first few months of high school screwed us up and made us think and talk like some depressing Alice Hoffman novel...
Yeah well that's how it is. Maybe I needed bad things like that to happen in order to get where I am now. but it's a high price to pay.
all I can do to keep myself from resigning to confusion and regret is to remind myself that the worst is past, and all they are is memories. its just sad to see how they affected us. it's like elissa, when she wrote in the journal in those last few days of middle school, everything was fine, but in that space of a few empty pages, skipped to mark the transition from middle school to high school, everything went wrong, at least temporarily.
oh well, be happy, life isn't always bad. sometimes you meet people like Aaron, who I love, and who loves me, and sometimes you have experiences like playing guitar with a bunch of strangers who become friends just on the basis of music.
Tuesday, October 7, 2003
100 things about me
1. i love animals, esp. betta fish and cats
2. i love knowing facts about anything that no one else knows which is my only incentive for being pre-med
3. i have two alarm clocks, one digital and one silver old fashioned face clock and i must have both to wake up
4. i am obsessed with people and their comings and goings to the point of psychoticness
5. i am insanely moody
6. i drink sprite like water
7. i don't drink water
8. i have a fender american stratocaster in silver
9. i love fluffy pillows
10. i am traveling the thin line between happy and balanced and paranoid and psycho every day. last year i failed and this year i am succeeding
11. my birthday is on halloween
12. my favorite food is chipotle burritos
13. i get really attached to things that aren't humans
14. i get really attached to certain humans but i always need space
15. i hate being touched by most people
16. i get claustrophobic at strange reasons
17. i don't respect you if i don't think you are better than me at least in one area
18. i hate asian people who are from taiwan who say they consider themselves chinese
19. i hate the fact that asian people always hang out together
20. i hate the fact that i question whether i am a bad person for hating that fact
21. the only time i can't help smiling is when i am playing guitar in a band
22. i use powder clothes detergent
23. i like dark chocolate as opposed to milk chocolate
24. me and aaron's anniversary is on june 24
25. my body is a temple and my mind is a steel trap
26. i desperately want to start going to church in austin but my fleshly laziness is preventing me
27. i have an authentic waterproof military flashlight with filters and everything
28. i think scott speedman is insanely cute
29. i think elizabeth hurley is a shameless hussy
30. i think i have pretty feet
31. i still wear little girls underwear with designs on them
32. i have three pairs of converse allstars and one pair of converse skate shoes some doc martens and two pairs of flip flops
33. my room needs vacuuming desperately
34. i should be doing an english paper on wuthering heights right now
35. i have decided that analyzing my feelings just makes them worse therefore i have taken the method of humoring myself
36. i really want a tattoo
37. i hate regrets
38. i love the smell of cloves cigarettes
39. i miss the sarcastic cynical me that was at full power before freshman year
40. i sleep with a stuffed bear
41. i can be really ADD
42. i have people on my AIM buddy list that i have never talked to before in my life and do not know i exist
43. i truly think some of those people could be really great friends if i only knew them...scared yet? hahaha
44. i love the oc
45. i want to be a rock star
46. last night i tried to get aaron to hypnotize me into having larger breasts...vh1 documentary anyone?
47. dharma and greg is one of favorite shows
48. i think me and john mayer are soul mates
49. i am worried about losing my hair when i get old
50. i hate my arm hairs
51. the nails on the four fingers of my left hand are always cut short for guitar playing
52. i never wear mascara b/c i don't want to lose my eyelashes
53. i buy antibiotics for my fish
54. i come off as sullen when really my face just doesn't naturally smile
55. i feel masculine sometimes
56. i think i look better laid back than when i dress up
57. i think my sister is way prettier than me and sometimes i wish i was her
58. i am competitive about strange things
59. i love buying things like new deoderant, facewash, or shampoo
60. i love grocery shopping and doing laundry
61. i only get through the weeks by looking toward the weekends
62. i have absolutely no idea what i will be when i grow up
63. i would seriously get a tattoo of a medieval celtic dragon on the small of my back if not for my fear of disease
64. i am saving up money (and selling my bike) to get a new 2003 gt compe "so cal" bike in red
65. i write songs
66. i love terrifying ghost movies and romantic comedies and quirky movies
67. the summer after sixth grade i became obsessed with sandra bullock and watched "while you were sleeping" once every night
68. the summer before sixth grade i became obsessed with the books "anne of green gables"
69. i have a feeling wuthering heights by emily bronte has a secret that would give me the meaning of life but i just can't figure it out
70. jane eyre by charlotte bronte is the most compelling, romantic love story ever
71. i am an english major but i think a lot of all this liberal arts stuff is hokey and false truth
72. i think sociology is pointless
73. i was infatuated with mr. singleton junior year
74. i was infatuated with mr. gamez senior year
75. both those instances were those in which they treated me as if i was extra special and smart and cool--isn't that sad that i yearn for attention like that?
76. i notice people and anthropomorphize them a lot
77. i have an insanely good memory for most things
78. i sort of lack common sense
79. i need everything sorted out in order to understand it
80. i hate it when people say i'm organized or sensible
81. i am not organized or sensible
82. i am jealous of people who can take life risks without having heart attacks
83. i am sick of being controlled by my parents
84. i can't stand my family when i live with them
85. i love my family when i do not live with them
86. i have a hard time being friends with someone if i don't respect them
87. i hate it when people mistake my quietness for anything other than mere taciturnity (is that a word?)
88. i have never smoked weed though two people now have wanted to "smoke me out"
89. i love kids, and i want kids someday
90. i am really not interesting enough to write 100 things about myself
91. i want a puppy someday
92. i am insanely insecure
93. i hate it when people don't bless me when i sneeze
94. i cross myself at certain times even though i'm not catholic
95. i have always gotten too attached to inanimate objects
96. i always think the past was better than the present
97. i am a pessimist about people's actions
98. i am a realist about other things
99. i have eaten cat food before
100. once as a child i tried to feed a goat its own poop thinking it was a raisin
1. i love animals, esp. betta fish and cats
2. i love knowing facts about anything that no one else knows which is my only incentive for being pre-med
3. i have two alarm clocks, one digital and one silver old fashioned face clock and i must have both to wake up
4. i am obsessed with people and their comings and goings to the point of psychoticness
5. i am insanely moody
6. i drink sprite like water
7. i don't drink water
8. i have a fender american stratocaster in silver
9. i love fluffy pillows
10. i am traveling the thin line between happy and balanced and paranoid and psycho every day. last year i failed and this year i am succeeding
11. my birthday is on halloween
12. my favorite food is chipotle burritos
13. i get really attached to things that aren't humans
14. i get really attached to certain humans but i always need space
15. i hate being touched by most people
16. i get claustrophobic at strange reasons
17. i don't respect you if i don't think you are better than me at least in one area
18. i hate asian people who are from taiwan who say they consider themselves chinese
19. i hate the fact that asian people always hang out together
20. i hate the fact that i question whether i am a bad person for hating that fact
21. the only time i can't help smiling is when i am playing guitar in a band
22. i use powder clothes detergent
23. i like dark chocolate as opposed to milk chocolate
24. me and aaron's anniversary is on june 24
25. my body is a temple and my mind is a steel trap
26. i desperately want to start going to church in austin but my fleshly laziness is preventing me
27. i have an authentic waterproof military flashlight with filters and everything
28. i think scott speedman is insanely cute
29. i think elizabeth hurley is a shameless hussy
30. i think i have pretty feet
31. i still wear little girls underwear with designs on them
32. i have three pairs of converse allstars and one pair of converse skate shoes some doc martens and two pairs of flip flops
33. my room needs vacuuming desperately
34. i should be doing an english paper on wuthering heights right now
35. i have decided that analyzing my feelings just makes them worse therefore i have taken the method of humoring myself
36. i really want a tattoo
37. i hate regrets
38. i love the smell of cloves cigarettes
39. i miss the sarcastic cynical me that was at full power before freshman year
40. i sleep with a stuffed bear
41. i can be really ADD
42. i have people on my AIM buddy list that i have never talked to before in my life and do not know i exist
43. i truly think some of those people could be really great friends if i only knew them...scared yet? hahaha
44. i love the oc
45. i want to be a rock star
46. last night i tried to get aaron to hypnotize me into having larger breasts...vh1 documentary anyone?
47. dharma and greg is one of favorite shows
48. i think me and john mayer are soul mates
49. i am worried about losing my hair when i get old
50. i hate my arm hairs
51. the nails on the four fingers of my left hand are always cut short for guitar playing
52. i never wear mascara b/c i don't want to lose my eyelashes
53. i buy antibiotics for my fish
54. i come off as sullen when really my face just doesn't naturally smile
55. i feel masculine sometimes
56. i think i look better laid back than when i dress up
57. i think my sister is way prettier than me and sometimes i wish i was her
58. i am competitive about strange things
59. i love buying things like new deoderant, facewash, or shampoo
60. i love grocery shopping and doing laundry
61. i only get through the weeks by looking toward the weekends
62. i have absolutely no idea what i will be when i grow up
63. i would seriously get a tattoo of a medieval celtic dragon on the small of my back if not for my fear of disease
64. i am saving up money (and selling my bike) to get a new 2003 gt compe "so cal" bike in red
65. i write songs
66. i love terrifying ghost movies and romantic comedies and quirky movies
67. the summer after sixth grade i became obsessed with sandra bullock and watched "while you were sleeping" once every night
68. the summer before sixth grade i became obsessed with the books "anne of green gables"
69. i have a feeling wuthering heights by emily bronte has a secret that would give me the meaning of life but i just can't figure it out
70. jane eyre by charlotte bronte is the most compelling, romantic love story ever
71. i am an english major but i think a lot of all this liberal arts stuff is hokey and false truth
72. i think sociology is pointless
73. i was infatuated with mr. singleton junior year
74. i was infatuated with mr. gamez senior year
75. both those instances were those in which they treated me as if i was extra special and smart and cool--isn't that sad that i yearn for attention like that?
76. i notice people and anthropomorphize them a lot
77. i have an insanely good memory for most things
78. i sort of lack common sense
79. i need everything sorted out in order to understand it
80. i hate it when people say i'm organized or sensible
81. i am not organized or sensible
82. i am jealous of people who can take life risks without having heart attacks
83. i am sick of being controlled by my parents
84. i can't stand my family when i live with them
85. i love my family when i do not live with them
86. i have a hard time being friends with someone if i don't respect them
87. i hate it when people mistake my quietness for anything other than mere taciturnity (is that a word?)
88. i have never smoked weed though two people now have wanted to "smoke me out"
89. i love kids, and i want kids someday
90. i am really not interesting enough to write 100 things about myself
91. i want a puppy someday
92. i am insanely insecure
93. i hate it when people don't bless me when i sneeze
94. i cross myself at certain times even though i'm not catholic
95. i have always gotten too attached to inanimate objects
96. i always think the past was better than the present
97. i am a pessimist about people's actions
98. i am a realist about other things
99. i have eaten cat food before
100. once as a child i tried to feed a goat its own poop thinking it was a raisin
Wednesday, October 1, 2003
had another bio lab today, which just cemented my mental connection between crawfish (CRAWFISH dammit, not crayfish you pretentious science whores!!!) and sex...no, i'm not going insane, today we actually had to put a crawfish into a condom in order to measure water flow through the crawfish or something like that. poor crawfish i felt so sorry for it, i wanted to steal it at the end of lab and have a pet crawfish. i seriously thought about doing it, the only thing that stopped me was that i had a test soon after lab, and didn't have time, and also i rode my bike to class and could not see how i would balance a jar of water with a crawfish in it on the handlebars all the way home. but i even planned it out (before i thought of all these probs) i would get a big rock from the aquarium store for it and keep it in the thing i used to have She-ra (my female betta fish) in...because crawfish are amphibious. it would be so awesome. poor crawfish though, i could not save it--it even had already gotten one of its claws ripped off. i would've named it Killer. too bad...
anyways, bio test today, not so horrible as the organic chem test which i don't want to think about much less talk about.
horrid girl who sat next to me (at first) is getting karma sent back to her soon i hope. so i got there pretty early and tried to get an aisle seat. i got one, but then realized it didn't have a desk thingy so moved one seat over. this stupid girl came in and sat in the aisle seat, and when i told her about the lacking desk, she moved to the other side of me. which woulda been fine but then the prof was like, gotta skip seats--she just stayed where she was, didn't move an inch...didn't even look around for other possible seats. and i was determined not to move. but when the test started guess who the prof made move, and assumed i was some horrible cheating urchin...ME! and the girl didn't say a thing. didn't look up, didn't admit to her own stupidity to at least set things straight. hmm...oh well, when i left at 8 (which was exactly when the test ended) she was still there... KARMAPOLICE baby.
anyways, bio test today, not so horrible as the organic chem test which i don't want to think about much less talk about.
horrid girl who sat next to me (at first) is getting karma sent back to her soon i hope. so i got there pretty early and tried to get an aisle seat. i got one, but then realized it didn't have a desk thingy so moved one seat over. this stupid girl came in and sat in the aisle seat, and when i told her about the lacking desk, she moved to the other side of me. which woulda been fine but then the prof was like, gotta skip seats--she just stayed where she was, didn't move an inch...didn't even look around for other possible seats. and i was determined not to move. but when the test started guess who the prof made move, and assumed i was some horrible cheating urchin...ME! and the girl didn't say a thing. didn't look up, didn't admit to her own stupidity to at least set things straight. hmm...oh well, when i left at 8 (which was exactly when the test ended) she was still there... KARMAPOLICE baby.
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