band practice was today.

it was transcendental...seriously awesome.

it had to be one of the best experiences of my life. i played lead guitar, katrina (turns out her name is not katarina, and she is not so intimidating) played rhythm, chris played bass, and marc played drums. this guy jeff, who will not be a part of the band, played keyboard, but he's in another band so he's taken.

so yeah it was one of those wierd times when i actually did not feel inhibited, or intimidated, at least not very much, and i got away from myself enough to have fun, and exhibit my skills (which aren't really that extensive) without them being overshadowed by my insecurity.

so it was really awesome. all those nerve-wracking days of "jamming" in jazz band with kids that were way better than me must have rubbed off or something, cause yeah, i didn't suck.

so yeah practice was at pete's house, and at first it was a little awkward, we all took turns to show a little of what we write, etc., but then when we got into it, Chris took the lead, and so we played around with two songs that he wrote, one was a reggae song that sounds sorta jack-johnson influenced, and another a totally fun pop punk song. we played for about an hour and a half straight, and it was pretty cool. i was just sitting on my amp, just enjoying it all, and i could not stop myself from just smiling for no apparent reason (which if you know me, doesn't happen almost at all) and just moving to the beat...

i had no idea how awesome just playing with people could be. i felt like a kid again, learning to ride a bike or play on a swing or something, and feeling the wind rushing through your hair for the first time.

after we played, then we sat down and had some pizza (pete bought way too much, almost a whole pizza per person...) but we will finish it next practice, thursday!! and even as we ate the pizza i had fun just talking, and hanging out.

when i got home, i topped the evening off by parallel parking perfectly by myself for the first time. it was an amazing day...

I'm sitting here listening to R.E.M., and all the old songs...

whats the frequency kenneth? bang and blame

Tonight I am using blogger purely as an excuse to talk--I am lonely...and I don't want to talk to just anyone. I don't want to talk to Aaron, I don't want to talk to any of these new people I have met since I was 14.

Really, the truth is, the only person I want to talk to is Elissa, but not even Elissa as she is now, I want to talk to the girl with braces who was always smiling and would take a school picture with her Bush/Greedy Fly shirt on.

I want to go back where I was permanently attached to my walkman tape player/radio, and me and matt would signal each other when there was a great song on the radio. we were friends, and we never talked--just sat next to each other and listened to music. thinking back, i wish i could be so free and uninhibited now.

i miss everything so much

Wait, new postscript:

Today is the 24th!!! I have known Aaron now for 4 yrs and 3 months...

: )

As you can see, I have a low attention span...haven't posted in weeks it seems.

Let's see, I've bought two new fish, one zebra danio (in memory of Danny-O) and a leopard long-finned danio. Their names are Eek (for the little one) and Sharky. Yes, Aaron named them and he has a strange fetish for Eekstravaganza the cartoon. Right now Sharky has exiled Eek into the corner of the tank under the filter (mean Sharky) but I am going to get some gothic castles and stuff to put in it so Eek has somewhere to hide.

Ok let's get this blog up to date.

Remember the thing with the band manager, etc.? Now we have a drummer, Marc, (who is also in another band, The Pheremones, which is wierd cause i feel like our band has to live up to them, and their name sounds so cool...) And just yesterday Pete (the manager) called and said he had this guy, Chris, who plays the bass and his friend Katarina who plays the guitar and sings. We are meeting on Monday for our first practice. Uber stressful, I say, not only that I am missing a BIO genetics review for it, but also the pressure to perform. I think I'm just gonna sit back and see what they want to do b/c i am worried--I hate "jamming" as they call it...it is just another excuse for musicians to show that they are way better than me. this is how it has been in the past (thanx for that h.s. jazz band). anyways, so i hope it goes well, marc seems cool already and i'm sure the other two are as well. at least the name Katarina sounds super exotic and cool...and not just a little intimidating.

so yes...summary: mixed feelings about the practice monday, hope for all the best, trying to be optimistic, which is hard when put into account my lack of social skills...want band to be cool, comfortable, and for all members to be equal...translation: i dont want to be known as "that ugly one in the back...who can't play" LOL ok can you believe my insecurity??? I will stop this right now.

anyways, yes, got the bmx bike. got it for $70 flat, which is really good seeing as it is a GT bike and those don't usually go for anything under $125. thinking about trading aaron for his and repainting it b/c he is so in love with it, he barely lets me put it one the rack by myself for fear i will scrape the paint or mess up the brakes or something.

today, i had biology lab which was enough to put me in a bad mood, b/c it just shows how heartless and selfish humans are. and it's hard to escape thinking the same way sometimes. like in the lab, we had to dissect crawfish (NOT crayfish, crawfish dammit...) and i have eaten crawfish, and they taste good, and i will probably eat them again. but it just seems different when you set them out and start cutting them up and looking at their insides. what's worse, were the ghost shrimp. my friend elissa has ghost shrimp in her aquarium, and so that was hard, seeing as i had already thought of them as pets that we should take care of and protect from harmful substances, etc. and here we are, looking at them in a petri dish with like, a millimeter of water in it, and sticking dye in the water, and basically watching them die. and it makes me even madder what people say when confronted with the meanness of their actions. ok yeah, so it's only a crawfish, its only tiny little ghost shrimp. Animals' importance does not just reside in thier size!!! If that were so, all those gymnastics girls in the Olympics are worth so much less than me...or Shaquille O'Neill... well you see what i mean. And where do we come off condoning animal testing just because "it's for the good of mankind." i wonder if we even have the right to assume that our well being is more important than...let's say, monkeys, or mice--and sacrifice their well being in order to further ours. i wonder if we do.

And i know there are vegetarians out there, elissa in particular, who are calling this hypocrisy as i especially enjoy a juicy side of hamburger...but to me, that's different. that's the food chain.

ok side note: I hate hate hate the smell of latex and right now, I reek of it. I wonder how I'll ever have safe sex without thinking of all the sheep eyes, earthworms, frogs, and now crawfish I have dissected.

yipee! i am getting the bike tomorrow, b/c my parents said i could. at this time tomorrow (hopefully, if no one has bought it out from under me) i will be happily bmxing...or not. somehow, i don't think its the lack of an appropriate bike that is preventing me from that particular sport. but nevertheless, i will be riding the bike.

so today was relatively uneventful. rachel came over to do hw, etc., and then i walked her back to her dorm as far as the union, to put up some signs about the band. i say the band, but i mean the prospective band. yeah i met with peter (the future band manager) the other day (risking certain rape) and actually found out that he was actually someone i had met before. he worked at the a/v library in the UGL, so yeah that made me feel better and not like he was some psychopathic rapist. he seems interested in managing a band and i want to be in one, so i guess we're just waiting for other people to call. i put up like 7 signs up today, so hopefully more people will call.

he seems to like stuff like barenaked ladies and coldplay a lot, which is cool, but if i am going to be in a BAND and not just do singer/songwriter stuff, i want it to be relatively hardcore, i won't be satisfied unless it is.

now return to this timeframe, i walked rachel back as far as the union (by the way as we were walking out of Brackenridge, where i live, we debated on whether we should have returned for an umbrella, and decided not to, but it was raining a little, and so when we were walking down the stairs in front of Brackenridge, i slipped and hurt my poor little ass, and it was embarassing. but it was made up for, as me and rachel had tons of laughs talking on the way to the union about "what if the stapler that was in my messenger bag to staple up the signs with had stapled me in the butt when i fell...who would hydrogen peroxide my ass?") anyways, so after i walked rachel to the union, i walked home by myself, and what do you know, it started pouring.

and it made me think. i used to be the kind of person who didn't understand why people hated rain so, i still am that kind of person, to some extent. but not as much. now, it sorta feels bad to have little cold drops of water get all on your clothes and face, etc. but as i was walking, i kept trying to reclaim the kind of person i used to be. and it wasn't as hard as i might have thought it would be. its just instead of looking down, afraid of the water getting into my eyes, i looked across at all the surrounding trees and grass, and cement of the city, and that made everything better. yeah, i was being rained on, but so was everything else, and i am just a point on the map, just like any other tree or leaf, or anything. we as humans try so hard to set ourselves away from the natural world, which is ok, because it is natural for us to have the intellect that we do. what isnt so good, is to assume that there is a difference between nature and the world vs. our creations (cities, buildings, flourescent-lit convenience stores) because we are of nature, therefore, our creations are natural.

whatever. anyways, one last thing. there's this guy in my Sociology, Juvenile Delinquency class. he's a foreigner, from China. so the teacher today, since it's the anniversary of 9-11, asked us our thoughts about it, etc. which i personally think is a little corny because then everyone goes into these gushes of emotion about this and that just using this opportunity to have diarrhea of the mouth about how much they have changed, and how much meaning or fear they have found in life now. i guess there's nothing wrong with that, but i prefer to keep those things to myself in the interest of not coming off to seem overly emotional and sometimes i prefer other people to do the same. but who cares, what i think is not imp. in this case. except for the following. ok so this chinese guy starts talking, and all of a sudden starts saying, "oh i hate how America tries to impose their democracy on all other countries. the reason democracy works in America is because America is a young country, only 200 years old. but china has had a history of 5,000 years, and we have had kings, and emperors, and besides, why try to force democracy onto people when they don't want freedom? people don't want freedom. they always want and need someone to tell them what to do next." argh argh argh it makes me so mad!!!!! for one thing, if he doesn't think America is good, then why did he come here to go to college? and oh, yeah, communism has worked so well, causing such wealth in china...oh wait, no it hasn't. it has caused humanity to regress there to the extent where people can't think for themselves. it has caused bad standards of living, and inhumane acts to be committed without any way of retaliation or stopping these acts. and what is all this about "people need someone to tell them what to do?" ok maybe pussy little communist chinese boys (who have probably only lived after three baby girls before him were abandoned in the streets of china because of the communist incentive of more money for whoever has only one child, and chinese people's unfair preference for fathead boys instead of girls) need someone to direct their every move, but Americans don't. we do very well on our own, with the help of God, and we do not need anyone to "lead" us like the communist government leads their people (into degradation and immorality and godlessness). yeah do you need someone to lead you to your next move communist? go back to china, and open a space for someone to immigrate here who will appreciate the goodness that is America.

thats all i got to say about that, Taiwan til death...

i am a fish killer.

i accidentally killed my two fish danio and stormy.



today went on the surface pretty much as i planned. did laundry (while doing so i had to oust some guy doug's clothes out of the washing maching b/c he left them in there after they were done and there were no washers left...sorry doug), cleaned out the fish tank (which was when the fateful accident occurred) and went to the pawn shop to look at the bike. it still is about $75. i want it so bad but i dont want to buy it if it is so freaking exp.



also started on the hell of memorizing functional groups for organic chemistry...



and found some ad at the Union put up by some guy Peter who wants to manage a rock band:

"Okay, so let's Rock!! I'm looking to manage a band and need the pieces to this puzzle in my mind. I have some songs, I need the rest...a vocalist, bassist, drummer, and a guitar player and whoever else may call. I want to make us the next big thing and I can do it, call me! The more influences the better. Call."

hmm dont know if i believe him but at least i will be doing something, instead of sitting around doing chem homework and feeling panicky whenever someone talks about a class that is actually putting them on the road to their dreams.

so sick of all this crap, would rather be a street performing bum than a doctor...

today, saturday night. went to zilker park today which is connected to barton springs, which is a river where people can swim. it was awesome because first we went to long john silver's to pay our lunch with coupons, and talk bathroom talk at the table with aaron and his friend jimmy, and then zilker park was a totally spontaneous event.

and since it was spontaneous we didn't bring swimsuits or anything so we couldn't swim, but the water looked so nice and cold and clear, with small waterfalls made by the rocks in the creek. so not being able to swim didn't stop us from taking off our shoes and socks and wading around in the water. it was the best feeling ever, and not even the tiny little shard-rocks at the bottom cutting our feet up ruined it. i cannot describe how tempted i was to just go swimming fully dressed. ok but what did stop us (for a while at least) was this snake swimming in the water. this was funny because first, aaron saw a stick and told us it was a snake, and i got scared and got out of the water, and jimmy thought this was funny. five minutes later aaron was like, "there's a snake, seriously, its right over there" and both me and jimmy didn't believe him. well, turns out he was right. it was this skinny snake about a foot and three inches long that swam with its head sticking out of the water, it was so gross. so yeah, i stayed out of the water for a while until my fear of the squiggly snake was overcome by wanting to feel the cold creek water again...but it was so cool, the minnows come really close to your feet and aren't scared at all.

then after we got out of the river we walked around the park and explored and stuff and ran into these five high school boys who were diving into the river from a rope swing. it was crazy--where would that ever happen in concrete, flat, dry houston?? it was like living in a small town, where no one is too self conscious to talk to a stranger. anyways, at that moment, watching those boys jumping into the deep, green, hazy river, i decided that i definitely want to live in austin forever. another random pretty moment was when we were under this bridge. on the bridge were cars, of course, but we were under it so we couldn't see the cars, they couldn't ruin the moment. we stood under that bridge, it was all sandy under there and there was this collapsed concrete thing with these rusted metal connectors all sticking out of it, and so it was urban, but when you looked up, at the concrete bottom of the bridge that was over us, you could see all thousands of light shards reflected off the water from the river, just dancing and changing. it was so pretty it hurt. yeah, it was like a mix between some urban ghetto setting off a rancid video mixed with...the movie "a river runs through it."

hmm yeah so that was my day. pretty nice, right?

tomorrow i am doing hw, and going to a pawn shop in the afternoon to see about a bike. i have been trying to get one of those little trick bikes b/c they are so small and cool and easy to handle. yeah i got permission from my mom to spend $50...so i gotta haggle.

hmm classes are over for the day : ) : ) : (are those smiley faces or frowny faces---are you left handed or right handed?)

anyways, the final straight guy in boy meets boy looks awesome. nice curly wild hair, likes to read, looks like the literary type, and wears wire rimmed glasses. --hmm---

its wierd, its like i want to live 10,000 lives at once, because i admire everyone, perhaps just for thier ability to stick with one personality and grow with it. which is apparently something i am absolutely unable to do. i admire the classy, sophisticated girls who would be that guy's type, who would be in the sunny well lit kitchen making breakfast on white shiny plates while he reads, wearing his wire rimmed glasses and with his hair all sticking up in curls. these same girls are probably the subject of Dave Matthews' song Crush or John Mayer's City Love. Then, i also admire the ultra alternative, cool because they don't try girls who always look great even though they only wear t shirts and jeans. these are probably who tim armstrong would find awesome...and that is not even it. it is not only girls that i admire--just to say, john mayer is the cleverest person ever. yeah yeah, ok its easy to see him as some teenybopper loverboy, who plays girls' feelings so they will fall in love with him, and i know to an extent it is true. at least the second part. but on another level, i have never encountered such amazing imagery. & its not just imagery. his words paint all the pictures i've had in my head--the dark city lit up by a thousand lights, the dirty neon-lit street of new york that somehow seems to be holding mystery within all the grime and sidewalk, a road trip where you actually are able to appreciate every second of it, knowing it is one of the greatest times of your life, instead of wasting it away on shallow, minute by minute useless fun. i hate that, when i do something great, and every minute i am telling myself--you better remember & enjoy this b/c you'll look back on it as one of the best times of your life. but the truth is, im not having that much fun at the time, its only when i get home that i realize, damn it happened again and when i wake up tomorrow i will have repainted it in such a way that i will believe i had a great time.

damn i started out trying to imitate stream of consciousness, jenn1 you know why, but i think i have only acheived randomness.