Happy Valentine's Day!
In honor of Valentine's Day, I will relate to you my delightful experiences yesterday learning about giving women's pelvic examinations on plastic dummies. When I first walked into the carrels (where they set up for class) four plastic lady-mannequins minus head, legs, arms, torso...basically minus everything but the "private" area were laying on tables, exposed for all to see (plastic labias and all).
Then, a gynecologist starts talking to us about how to do the examination, but I ignored all but a few salient points, because I was dreading having to stick anything into the plastic vagina, much less my fingers (the "bimanual" part of the exam). The salient points that I did catch, however, I did for the benefit of you, my blog readers, for your comedic entertainment.
1. At one point, the lady said, "It just depends on where her labia are the floppiest." FLOPPIEST! That better not ever be a description word connected to my vjay.
2. At another point, the lady said, "The vagina is mostly soft tissue. Except the cervix. The cervix will feel knobby. Like your nose." As she pushed with her index finger on the tip of her nose.
And then we proceeded to split up into groups. My first station was the breast exam station, where they had six individual breasts with fake lumps in them. This part wasn't so bad. Near the end of this station, some random prof ran up, and said, (in all seriousness), "Did everyone get to touch a breast?" and absentmindedly squeezed the one closest to him.
My next station was, alas, one of the four plastic vjay models. I was freaked out when I had to do the "exam" on the model for the first time, but once I realized how un-lifelike the model was, I wasn't as freaked. The plastic was so hard that the edges of the fake labia scraped my fingers as I had to insert them. I began to wish that I had some lesbian experiences, because I wanted to know what a real cervix looks like. Not that most people let their significant others stick speculums up them anyways, though, so I guess I'm not missing much.
This exam is just another of the many reasons to get out as soon as possible.
2 comments:
hahaha. this is so funny. esp since you posted it on valentine's day. also i find it quite humorous that your prof "absentmindedly squeezed" the boob closest to him because you know he would do that to a real one.
also, did you get my package?
i will start blogging on tuesday again so look forward to many posts. i have a list and several pictures to accompany them.
hey! i saw your blog through aaron's. this is hilarious...i just had my annual foot-in-the-stirrups awkwardness yesterday. paper gowns! having to pee into a cup!
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