I'm at St. Edward's right now, spending the night with Elissa and Rachel! no, there have not been any pillowfights in underwear...as of yet.

first we went to guero's to eat which closed at 11 and we got there at 11:10 but they let us in anyway, probably b/c of rachel's pigtails...sick guys have pigtails/little girl fantasies.

ha i'm just saying that cause i'm jealous. i feel so stupid in pigtails.

anyways yeah then i spent the rest of the night reading elissa's diary...

there's this passage where we were just graduating middle school and she is listening to Sublime's "Santeria" and being sad about leaving middle school and then it skips to ninth grade after Christmas break, and it's just one of the saddest transitions ever...



"Everything's coming to an end. How ironic, I'm listening to Santeria again. It fits again. 'The hand you hold is the hand that holds you down." But when you let go, there's an empty space...I have a scar on my left arm, bitten cuticles, and wear a star around my neck to remind me of who I am...This was supposed to be a happy journal entry. 'Let the dreamers dream and the poets write, but let me stay in the corner and cry.'"



All the bad experiences we had, all compacted in those first few months of high school screwed us up and made us think and talk like some depressing Alice Hoffman novel...

Yeah well that's how it is. Maybe I needed bad things like that to happen in order to get where I am now. but it's a high price to pay.

all I can do to keep myself from resigning to confusion and regret is to remind myself that the worst is past, and all they are is memories. its just sad to see how they affected us. it's like elissa, when she wrote in the journal in those last few days of middle school, everything was fine, but in that space of a few empty pages, skipped to mark the transition from middle school to high school, everything went wrong, at least temporarily.

oh well, be happy, life isn't always bad. sometimes you meet people like Aaron, who I love, and who loves me, and sometimes you have experiences like playing guitar with a bunch of strangers who become friends just on the basis of music.