I had a friend who once said that anything that you could not tell your mother, you did not truly believe. Well, I've told my mother, but I have yet been unable to act like anything is wrong here. So I guess this is the last untraversed frontier.

Things are horribly wrong. I have had the absolute worst month of my life, and there is no sign of it stopping anytime soon. I am not exaggerating, it is literally the worst time I have ever known.

I guess sometimes you just have to let go, but it's hard when I remember that everything that I have to let go is still so important to me, still something I want so badly.

At this time, I understand what my pretentious english teacher last semester said about "unmediated communication," how Wuthering Heights was all about people trying to gain that, and not being able to, because words themselves act as a barrier. I see now that they do. They make what I am feeling seem cliched, overdone. But if unmediated communication were possible, you would all be clutching your stomachs and crying your eyes out at this very second, feeling what I'm feeling.



It's hard to remember that even when life is not going as I want it, God knows what He is doing. extra hard. almost impossible.



there. I've done it, blogged my troubles. now hope that i can deal with them, face reality finally, get through it...