it's a cold day in austin, and i am ready to go home. except i wish my home wasn't just 3 hours from here, i wish i lived in boston, or new york or some city like that where you could wander for hours and never feel like anyone knew who you were. in fact, i don't want to go home. i want to go to some unknown city, some unknown place where no one knows who i am and i can just become whatever atmosphere i want to become, wrap myself in someone else's comforting surface level life. frankly i am sick of this life that i have somehow grown or slipped into because it's not one that i would have picked for myself had i had full control of the world. choices that i have made have been affected by countless people, none of them are mine alone, and i am sick of that. i am sick of wanting to be so many people at the same time that i try too hard and am all of them at the same time, resulting in some amorphous mess that is special to no one and nothing.